"Exercise is for fat people", you said.

That's so two thousand and lame.

Meri pyari behno, this is for all those who messaged me yesterday saying “exercise ki kya zaroorat hai, achi khaasi patli ho” and “you are body goals”. Aap sab ke messages parh ke mein kaafi shock mein aai.

Aap ko ye kisnay kaha that I want to take up more intense physical activities to lose weight? Yes, I am not overweight, but I have been at the other extreme end of the spectrum for a VERY long time. I have suffered from lack of confidence and constant unhappiness about the way I looked because I was always too thin for the liking of desi aunties as well as uncles. Throughout my adolescent life, I wished I had a fuller body to be able to look good in all kinds of clothes. In my pursuit of putting on weight, I threw loads of harmful calories into my system - coke, bakery stuff, lots of oil and other trash. This will hurt the more enlightened people but I am sorry. I am sorry about the way I treated my body. I always said I can "afford to eat all this" but can anyone really afford to eat all this?

I have put on a couple of kilos after becoming a mum and I am very happy about that. It gives me more confidence about my appearance. BUT. I am NOT happy about what I am made up of from the inside.

Over the past couple of years, I have realized that ‘body goals’ are the wrong kind of goals and we need to have ‘health goals’ instead. We all have different body structures, with different genetic makeups and metabolism rates. Those who feel they are overweight (not calling anyone 'mota') strive to achieve a certain body type, even if that means getting to it in a wrong, unhealthy way. I see so many people people losing weight dangerously fast. Your bones will pay the brunt of it one day. On the other hand, those who are naturally thin feel they don’t ‘need’ to work out because that’s what it physically looks like. So, they hog on sugar and fat-laden stuff, without realizing the shit they are accumulating in their blood vessels. That's been my story too, as I mentioned.

This picture is of me 3 days ago standing outside a doctor’s clinic, who I had gone to see for a detailed physical examination. I failed miserably at his stamina test and didn’t do well at his flexibility test. I was SO embarrassed telling him about the unhealthy stuff that I do eat and all the good stuff that I don't. I told him about all my pains – many of which can be easily dealt with by working out. I walk like insane the entire day BUT to live longer, those strolls don’t count. I suffer from various issues that contribute to mental ill-health – owning to my near-death experience last year. I abused my body so bad while preparing my IBA lectures that I ended up with a slip disc and acute pain in my lower back. I cannot fix that; I can only 'manage' that. Hence, I see how my lack of exercise is eventually going to take away the quality from my life. Do you see how I am not really #bodygoals ?

I have been blessed with a fast metabolism by nature (and I call this a blessing only now, I have hated it for a greater part of my life) but this body is going to be no good if I sit around on my butt thinking ‘mein to patli hoon, kya zaroorat hai exercise ki?'. I want to be there for my kids and physically be in a position to help them even when they have grown up.  So, I have promised myself to at least start going towards a better and healthier lifestyle and I hope I don’t forget about this promise. When I see very very old people, probably in their 80s, here in Schaffhausen, walking to the store to do their groceries, which they will carry back home themselves, I clearly see the problem with most of us in Pakistan. Back home, pachaas saal ki umar ke baad hamaray goday kittay reh jaatey hein because of our misconceptions about exercise and health.

Conclusion: Everyone needs exercise. If you’re overweight based on your BMI, definitely shed those kilos, but shed them with HEALTH in mind rather than the dress you want to fit in. That way your body will last longer. And if you’re thin, don’t let that dress that you fit in be the defining cause of your ultimate happiness. Make sure the body that makes the dress look fabulous feels fabulous too and is sturdy enough to continue doing that over the years.

Realization #1: When he asks you out, say “yes”.

This is the first of the motherhood features I will be doing for Weekend Magazine, The Nation.
Published in Weekend Magazine on 13th May, 2018, Sunday.

Yesterday morning when I was standing in the middle of Cerelac, poop and laundry, my husband messaged to invite me for a dinner date. "Should I ask Angela if she's free?" he said. Angela is the babysitter.

I read the message, thinking about what to say, and my mind ran through the jampacked schedule I had with the kids today. As the baby hung on one corner of my hip, the defrosted chicken, unmade beds and dirty utensils from last night beckoned me. My 6-year-old had a friend coming over again, in celebration of the Spring break, and I had promised them an outing. I was very tired, with lots of body aches (I guess that's how all moms with babies are like) but I knew that was F’s way of telling me that he misses me.

For months, he's been having it hard at work with lots of things to tackle, longer than usual hours and no time for a break. Hence, we haven't been as connected as him and I would like to be. We get the weekends, sure, but with the children, we are hardly left with any space for ourselves. So, although the body demanded otherwise, the heart made me reply “yes”.

In the evening, when I had accomplished all that I had to as a mom, it was time to play wife. I got into a simple monochrome outfit (easiest when you can't think), pulled up my dirty hair in a bun (works when a shower sounds like too much work), put on some red lipstick (does wonders when you can't be bothered with better makeup) and went out with my husband.

We skipped using the car and walked a slow-paced walk, admiring the final minutes of sunlight, the chilly breeze and the evening vibe of our small town. Opting for a Thai restaurant, we grabbed a table for two in the outdoors. Over a casual dinner, we got to talk and concentrate on each other after quite a while. Thanks to better weather, we took a stroll to the river with our favorite ice-cream cups after the food. While walking back home to our babies, I realized two hours for just me and him made such a difference. We had not felt this in touch with each other’s feelings in weeks and so, I was glad I didn't take a raincheck because of my tiredness.

The point here is that no relationships should be taken for granted - they all need to be cultivated and given time. Whether they are with your spouse, parents, siblings or your best friend. We lose sight of people who are important while getting through the daily struggles. But sometimes, we need to pause and correct that. I know my stamina is low when it comes to this time investment. Thus, I maintain very few relationships. But the ones I do, I try giving them my all, to value each special person in my life the way they deserve to be. That date night made me realize yet again that sometimes, mental refreshment cures physical tiredness while catching up with your loved ones. Pause for such catch-ups more often. 

This article was written for Weekend Magazine, The Nation, Pakistan.

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