Realization #1: When he asks you out, say “yes”.

This is the first of the motherhood features I will be doing for Weekend Magazine, The Nation.
Published in Weekend Magazine on 13th May, 2018, Sunday.

Yesterday morning when I was standing in the middle of Cerelac, poop and laundry, my husband messaged to invite me for a dinner date. "Should I ask Angela if she's free?" he said. Angela is the babysitter.

I read the message, thinking about what to say, and my mind ran through the jampacked schedule I had with the kids today. As the baby hung on one corner of my hip, the defrosted chicken, unmade beds and dirty utensils from last night beckoned me. My 6-year-old had a friend coming over again, in celebration of the Spring break, and I had promised them an outing. I was very tired, with lots of body aches (I guess that's how all moms with babies are like) but I knew that was F’s way of telling me that he misses me.

For months, he's been having it hard at work with lots of things to tackle, longer than usual hours and no time for a break. Hence, we haven't been as connected as him and I would like to be. We get the weekends, sure, but with the children, we are hardly left with any space for ourselves. So, although the body demanded otherwise, the heart made me reply “yes”.

In the evening, when I had accomplished all that I had to as a mom, it was time to play wife. I got into a simple monochrome outfit (easiest when you can't think), pulled up my dirty hair in a bun (works when a shower sounds like too much work), put on some red lipstick (does wonders when you can't be bothered with better makeup) and went out with my husband.

We skipped using the car and walked a slow-paced walk, admiring the final minutes of sunlight, the chilly breeze and the evening vibe of our small town. Opting for a Thai restaurant, we grabbed a table for two in the outdoors. Over a casual dinner, we got to talk and concentrate on each other after quite a while. Thanks to better weather, we took a stroll to the river with our favorite ice-cream cups after the food. While walking back home to our babies, I realized two hours for just me and him made such a difference. We had not felt this in touch with each other’s feelings in weeks and so, I was glad I didn't take a raincheck because of my tiredness.

The point here is that no relationships should be taken for granted - they all need to be cultivated and given time. Whether they are with your spouse, parents, siblings or your best friend. We lose sight of people who are important while getting through the daily struggles. But sometimes, we need to pause and correct that. I know my stamina is low when it comes to this time investment. Thus, I maintain very few relationships. But the ones I do, I try giving them my all, to value each special person in my life the way they deserve to be. That date night made me realize yet again that sometimes, mental refreshment cures physical tiredness while catching up with your loved ones. Pause for such catch-ups more often. 

This article was written for Weekend Magazine, The Nation, Pakistan.

You can follow me on Instagram here.

You can follow Weekend Magazine on Instagram here.