I am a Mum and I Need Time Out

#callinghusband911

The baby: “I am hungry and I am sleepy but I won’t eat or sleep. I will just cry. A lot. And yes, my diaper has leaked.”

The 6 year old: “I am hungry and I have homework but I forgot my homework in school and I want to have a bath while doing gymnastics in the tub. Can you watch me?”

Chaawal: “We are done. Take us off the hob before we turn into kheer.”

Daal: “I was defrosted 5 minutes ago. Can’t you hear the microwave going toon toon?”

Legs: “After that long uphill walk, can we like not contribute?”

Components of the large intestine: “Mera number kab ayega?”

Groceries lying in the stroller downstairs: “Are we staying in this thing for the entire night?”

Husband: *In a meeting*

This is the state of affairs in my life most of the time. Sometimes, even worse. At times, it feels resuscitation is required. And at other times, a khoon ki botal. If you’re a mum, especially one living out of Pakistan, then you’ve been here. And when mums find themselves biting off more than they can chew, they need time out.

This is where the husband comes in. When you’re losing your shit, give him the babies and cut yourself some slack. Either you stay home while he takes the kids out OR vice versa. I use both options from time to time and in both cases, the entire family wins.

Note: By no means does it mean you don’t love your kids – I mean is that even possible when you’re a mum? It just means you need some time to rejuvenate.

Tip: Ignore the susraal walas who think you are ghazab dhaaing on their son by making him keep the kids for some time. They’re his too. Biology class…remember?

Info: A happy mum is a happy home.

Extra info: In case the husband is reluctant, his whining will stop after noticing that you sound more like his wife and less like Chucky post some time-out.

Coming to the point, here are all the FANCY things I do when I when my offsrpings are not around, starting with when I am home alone followed by when I am out alone.

Cooking

Who knew this could be liberating. When I initially moved to Schaffhausen, my cooking routine entailed me running between the handi and the child while the pyaaz browned. That proved to be more cardio than I needed. Every time the noisy little people are not home, cooking can actually be fun while dancing to my favourite songs.

Bathing

A shower without my 6 year old banging on the door and demanding some crap or constantly reporting on how loud the baby is crying? YES! When the kids are not home, a tub bath can be as good as a Thai massage. Slow Bollywood love songs + great smelling The Body Shop products + cranberry juice – kids in the house = peace. Try this. You’ll like it. Light some scented candles too for better ambiance.

Nails

As soon as I put on a fresh coat, the kid starts crying. Result? A botched manicure, nail polish stains on her clothes and a whole lot of frustration. Hence, do it when the kids are out. When my hands look good, I feel refreshed, clean and taken care of.

Watching TV

While putting on my nail polish, I watch an episode or 2 of my favourite shows on Netflix or catch a HUM TV drama on YouTube. Watching something on TV when I actually get to follow the story without my daughter singing weird songs or my baby crying for milk is an absolute treat. Add a bar of chocolate to the mix. Awesome shit.

Catching up with Mom

A video call without her asking for the kids or the 6 year old making weird faces for nano as I try to discuss life issues helps me feel connected to my mother on an another level.

Grocery

I am the famous woman at the local grocery store who comes with the crying baby every day. I am sure people secretly put on ear plugs when I enter. Hence, being able to use the Translate app while getting sauda, randomly going down the aisles to see what kind of bathroom cleaning liquids or soup mixes are available and the like allow me to climb up to the next step on Maslow’s hierarchy.

Coffee and writing

No words needed. This is pure bliss.

Shopping

When I try something on in a shop and the baby is howling in the stroller, it can be pretty traumatic. While I try on a sweater, the shopkeeper probably wants to call child services. Hence, shopping minus the chances of me going to jail is kind of amazing.

Taking a trip

This used to mean day trips to Zurich or Basel to socialize for mental health purposes. But recently, I actually took a weekend trip to Paris and left my better ¾ in Schaffhausen. On my return, my brain cells felt refreshed and the fact that the 3 of them were alive means they didn’t really have a bad time either. Karna chahiyay kabhi kabhi.

Until next time....

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