Sunday 27 October 2019

Farhat Ishtiaq on Ye Dil Mera, the backlash and more.


Ye Dil Mera, the much awaited Ahad Raza Mir and Sajal Aly starrer drama serial, is about to premiere on TV and has already generated much controversy. As soon as the first teaser was released, social media was set on fire. The scene that portrayed a ‘handsome, young boss’ asking inappropriate questions in his office while interviewing a female candidate was not well received. It seemed that the play is romanticizing workplace harassment.



While some would argue that it is unfair to ‘cancel’ a play even before the first episode has aired, many would say that women who have been a victim of workplace (or any other form) of harassment will find it enough of a trigger to anger and frustrate them. In the current global climate where more and more women are finding the courage to come out with their truths, and yet most are being silenced by victim blaming, the backlash is, to say the least, natural and expected.

On seeing the promo, my heart was divided. I have been an ardent fan that has admired Farhat Ishtiaq’s powerful writing for a long time. On my blog, I have also spoken about personal experiences of being sexually harassed by a stranger on the street, by a colleague, and by a doctor. I felt that in order to find my answers, I must speak to the writer herself, who was awarded ‘Best Writer’ accolades for Udaari, a play that aimed to create awareness about sexual harassment of children in Pakistan.

I am sharing what she had to say about the criticism received as well as some of the other questions I asked about the serial. You are free to form your own opinions based on her take.

Me: When the first teaser of Ye Dil Mera was released, on one hand, the public excitement was immeasurable. Sajal and Ahad were coming together for the first time in a play as a real-life couple. It was a Farhat Ishtiaq story once again. It seemed like a revisit to the YKS days. On the other hand, there was a severe backlash on social media as the storyline of the play was interpreted to be one based on workplace harassment. What would you like to say about that?

Farhat Ishtiaq: Anyone who has followed my plays on screen or has read my novels would know that I am a proud feminist as well as a supporter of the ‘Me Too’ movement. As a woman and as a Pakistani, I am well aware of the kind of harassment females go through on a daily basis, inside as well as outside of home. As a story writer, I never compromise on the dignity of my female lead. If you go back to Khirad in Humsafar, even in her silence, she was a strong girl. Her situation may have made her weak, but when it came to her self-respect, she didn’t compromise. You will see that even in Ye Mera Dil, the respect of the female lead will not be compromised.

As a nation, we are emotional. In a minute, we put someone up on the highest pedestal and without wasting a moment, we take away that position. A ‘teaser’ for a play is meant to ‘tease’ the audience and gain their attention. The audience will only understand the scenario or the context of that scene under question when they get watch the play once it airs. The public is then free to appreciate or criticize. I will respect the feedback.

I would also like to add that the public has not just scene my work, they have scene the work of the entire team before. Just by watching a teaser, starting a movement of backlash on social media is a little bit of a ‘ziaadati’. Once the play airs and the misunderstandings are clear, I would like to see whether those who criticized me on social media as a story writer will admit their mistake as openly. When the first teaser came out, the audience wasn’t even ware of the genre. The scene under question is not my plot, not even my sub plot. When you’re building a story that is a romantic thriller, some characters WILL be dark or grey. You need such characters to build the suspense. And for that reason, not all characters can be positive. I am hoping that the audience will eventually find the characters to be deep and will be able to connect with them. As the drama unfolds, they will understand why a certain character reacted in a certain way.


Me: Where did you find the inspiration to write a play in the genre of ‘romantic thriller’?

Farhat Ishtiaq: I drew the inspiration to include grey characters in a story laced with suspense from real life people that I have come across in my life. I have seen that people who go through some kind of an emotional trauma in their childhood often carry the burden of it throughout their life. The past keeps coming back to haunt them and that baggage negatively affects the relationships they form in their adulthood. The characters of Sajal, Ahad and Adnan Siddiqui will shed light on this side of human behavior. The very fact that I have had the experience of interacting such people in my life helped me create situations and characters which are so close to reality.

Me: If not Sajal Aly and Ahad Raza Mir for the play, then who else?

Farhat Ishtiaq: Both Sajal and and Ahad have done such tremendous jobs in their own roles that I cannot imagine anyone else doing this serial. The intensity you see in Amaan’s (Ahad’s character) eyes or the fear you see on Noor ul Ain’s (Sajal’s character) face is just amazing. I am extremely happy with the choice of actors!

Me: Your favourite character in the play?

Farhat Ishtiaq: It is not just my stories that are my babies, it is also the characters. While writing a story, I live the life of each character with them. I cry with them, I laugh with them, and I feel extremely close to each one of them. Hence, to pick a favourite from them is not possible.

Me: Your favourite dialogue from Ye Dil Mera?

Farhat Ishtiaq: Let me admit that this is the first time people don’t already know the story of my play. Usually, when my plays are based on my novels, people know what will happen beforehand. But this time, reading about the predictions based on promos people are making on social media is a lot of fun! I can’t say which one is my favourite dialogue because if I share that, I will reveal too much about the story. So, let’s wait for the play to end then we can get together for another interview (haha!).

Me: How are Noor ul Ain and Amaan different from Zubia and Dr. Asfandyar?

Farhat Ishtiaq: I would say that Zubia and Asfi are the complete opposites of Noor and Amaan. For Amaan, I would like to add that there will be times when people will love him, sometimes they will feel angry and sometimes they will feel sorry for him. But, no one will be able to hate it. People will be able to understand his reactions.

Me: For the sake of asking you a lighter question, why did Sajal Aly come so dressed up and wearing ‘jhumkas’ for a professional job interview? Also, how much of a contribution does the writer have when it comes to the wardrobe of characters for particular scenes?

Farhat Ishtiaq: Well, if it were me, I would have maybe INCREASED the size of the jhumkas, haha! I would even throw in a necklace to my look! When you will see the play, you will understand why she was dressed up in that attire.

As far as the contribution of the writer goes, each character is a product of the mind of the writer. What the characters wear, how much makeup they use, how they talk and how they carry themselves, all comes out of the writer’s imagination. Translating that on screen is the responsibility of the director and giving them life is then done by the artists. I feel the team has done a beautiful job while trying to achieve that.



Me: We can see from the promos that a large chunk of the play is shot in the Northern Areas of Pakistan. Was that a requirement of the story?

Farhat Ishtiaq: Yes, the location has a huge impact on setting the mood of the audience and the backdrop plays a great role in creating the right ambiance on screen. For my story, I needed a cottage in a mountainous area that gives a haunted vibe as a shooting location. I must add here that the production team scouted just the right places to make scenes of my imagination a reality. Our producer, Momina Duraid, never compromises on the requirements of the writer, even if it means stretching the budget. Last year, when the team went to the North to dig out shooting locations and shared photos with me, I was beyond impressed by the wonderful job they did. Darya Bagh, the place which you will see in the play, is exactly how I imagined it to be. They shot in extreme temperatures just to stay true to the feel of my scenes and I couldn’t be happier.

Me: Yaqeen Ka Safar was a super duper hit play. When it ended, people missed it for weeks on Wednesday evenings. The public demanded a sequel. Now that another one of your plays is about to air with the same team and cast, do you feel any sort of pressure about meeting everyone’s expectations?

Farhat Ishtiaq: Well, you can say that once I am done writing a serial and it is about to air, I feel just like a student who has put in all her effort while preparing, but is nervous on the day of her exam. The pressure is not because of the same team, I would have felt it even if I were working with a different set of people. How this project will be received by the audience is something only Allah knows. But I sure do hope that the public loves it as much as the love we have put in to bring this serial to them. It is a play that will be packed with emotions. I pray that people are able to connect with the story just like they did in YKS, Hamsafar, Diyar e Dil and Udaari.

Wednesday 2 October 2019

How an unwarranted attack on Bano's mental health gave me perspective



When you’re an influencer, you have to gulp down the fact that people will consider your public profile a free pass to criticize you, your appearance, lifestyle, choices, parenting, relationships and whatever else they like. Whether you find it fair or unfair, that’s just how it is. While you slowly learn how to let these jibes go, what becomes difficult to take in stride is a negative remark hurled at your children. 

A couple of days ago, a follower, or in other words, a complete stranger, who knows only as much about me as I choose to share on my Instagram blog, commented that Bano is suffering from ADHD (no she wasn’t a pediatrician or a psychologist) and that I should have her checked.

Her remark made me angry. How dare she pass a judgement on my child based on the couple of Bano-based stories she sees per week? You know how mums can be…they can absorb anything but when it comes to their children, they are super protective. However, I chose to maintain my calm.



The truth is that although I find Bano tough to deal with, I never questioned the ‘normalcy’ of her behavior, be it her screams, her tears or her endearing hugs, because they don’t call this stage ‘terrible twos’ for nothing. While every toddler goes through this at varying degrees, children around this age typically oscillate between dependence on adults and a new-born desire to be independent. They say ‘no’ profusely, they cling to you with vehemence, or run away in rage. Temper tantrums also arise, due to the frustration of not being able to communicate what they do or do not want. As lots of mums would DM me saying their toddler behaves just like Bano and that they can totally relate, it would be further corroborated that THIS IS HOW TODDLERS ARE. I know that Inshallah, this difficult phase shall pass.

Hence, the DM that attacked Bano’s mental health was something I just binned without a second thought. Then, came in a DM saying “my child also screams a lot and my family feels I need to show him to a doctor. Would you consider showing Bano to a doctor?”. That got me thinking that not all mothers are perhaps aware about terrible 2s, and if they are, their family members (how very typical of our society) make them believe otherwise. “Iska behavior normal nahin hai. Hamsaaye ka bacha to aisa na karta. Tahira ki beyti to aisey nahin karti. Merey bachay to aisay nahin thay. Isay doctor ko dikhaao”. I can so imagine desi aunties getting an already frazzled, tired mother worried for nothing.

This prompted me to speak to my psychotherapist friend (PF here on), who has been my rescue 911 at multiple occasions. She gave so much clarity as a parent, not just as Bano’s, but Minha’s too. Now I see it all in a whole new light and am, in fact, grateful to that stranger who made me probe into this, only to see that Bano’s personality is actually a blessing for me.

How? Read on.

My PF, very rightly so, pointed out that our in culture, (controlling) parents and family members expect too much from toddlers. He must eat without making a mess, must not take off shoes, must not dirty the sofas and walls, must speak politely to elders, must not be noisy, must listen to elders and the list goes on. We have made our own definitions of what a NORMAL CHILD SHOULD BE LIKE. If a child doesn’t fit this mould, then the comparison begins with other toddlers, who perhaps are not going through terrible 2s to such a degree. And the conclusion is reached that the child needs to see a doctor that can help him/her ‘correct’ his/her behavior.

In the constant correction and admonishment, desi parents end up not allowing the child to express him/herself, so much so that they end up killing parts of the personality a child is born with. We don’t allow our children to explore and view the world the way they like, and passively teach them that they need to always please people. While growing up, the child worries so much about ‘ammi abbu naraz ho jaein gay, log kya kaheingay’ that as an adult, the child is incapable of voicing his/her opinion, stand up for him/herself or doing things to make him/herself happy. Everything is about ‘log’ and satisfying them. What a pity that unknowingly, we don’t allow our children to blossom and bloom to their true potential. We raise them to be timid, indecisive adults. We destroy their personalities by telling them “don’t do what you want to do, do what everyone else wants you to do”. If they are being bullied, they will not be able to speak up for themselves. We stunt their creativity. As parents, we do a disservice to them.



It breaks my heart to realize that.

According to my PF, toddlers like Bano, who are very sure about their likes and dislikes, grow up to be autonomous, creative, and clear what they want from life. They listen to their feelings and choose to do what’s best for them, without worrying about ‘log kya kaheingay’. Research shows that children whose parents avoid being ‘helicopters’ have more resource to deal with different situations as adults. Imposing parents end up with children that have issues, often needing therapy to heal themselves.

As I listened to my PF’s response, I realized Bano is born with the qualities that I work so hard on with Minha, who is mostly unable to defend herself or say ‘no’ in school or a playground. What else do I want more than to have a daughter who naturally is strong is able to speak up for herself?!

When I think back, I have had fewer expectations as a parent from Bano as compared to Minha. I have been more accepting of the fact that she is a child and it is her job to turn the house and my brain upside down. If she dirties the white sofa with her meals, it is MY fault that I chose white fabric. If Bano grabs my lipstick and breaks it, it is MY fault that I left it in the open. If Bano is having an ice cream, I cannot expect that she won’t stain her jacket. I want her to enjoy it, I want to enjoy watching her, and once home, I want to patiently throw the jacket in the laundry without making it a big deal. After speaking to a qualified, practicing therapist, my resolve to continue being that kind of a parent is stronger than ever. I want to allow Bano to grow up as a ‘free child’ so that as an adult, she’s strong and brave enough to face the world. Having said that, I want to continue working on Minha, allowing her the freedom to be herself and maybe asking Bano to give her a couple of tips in the future, haha!

My purpose of sharing this blog post is to tell all mums whose children are labelled as ‘not normal’ to relax. The symptoms of terrible 2s and ADHD are SO similar that it is TOO SOON to make conclusive remarks about a child. Your 3-year-old cannot be expected to sit like a soldier. If your extended family members expect that from him, the problem lies with THEM.


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