THINGS YOU DIDN’T KNOW ABOUT AHAD RAZA MIR

His take on destination weddings, romantic letters and more

What's the most common daily activity for all Pakistani girls these days? Yes, you got that right! Drooling over Ahad Raza Mir. From mommies to grannies, if you’re a female, Dr.Asfandyar makes your heart go all mushy. Some of us are even jealous of Zubia, who’s going to end up having him forever in another episode or two of Yakeen ka Safar. Basically, this Canada-return hunk is doing to us what Fawad Khan did when we saw Hamsafar. If you are glued to the TV screen at 8 pm every Wednesday, holding your heart and wiping off your drool, know that you are not alone.

Want to send him a perfume or run into him at his favourite restaurant? Then scroll down without wasting another second. Light a few scented candles, grab some chocolate and get to know ARM a little more closely.

WO: If you weren’t an actor you would be?

Ahad: A chef or a director

WO: Hollyoood or Bollywood?

Ahad: Depends on what I am in the mood of watching.

WO: Favourite restaurant (s) in Pakistan?

Ahad: In Karachi my favourite restaurant is LOCO.

WO: Chocolates, flowers or jewelry – the best present for a girl in your opinion is?

Ahad: A meaningful letter.

WO: Destination wedding or a big fat Pakistani wedding?

Ahad: I’d love a destination wedding but I think I will end up having a big fat Pakistani wedding and then some functions abroad since my family is spread across the globe. I do hope I am financially stable enough to afford all of thus though (haha)!

WO: Favourite perfume?

Ahad: Euphoria by Calvin Klien

WO: The beach or the mountains? Your favourite holiday destination?

Ahad: I like both actually – the beach since I have grown in Karachi and the mountains since that’s what I enjoyed in Canada.

WO: Favourite desi dish?

Ahad: My mum’s chicken karahi

WO: Favourite Bollywoood actor? Actress?

Ahad: Ranbir Kapoor and Madhuri

WO: What’s the last song you listened to?

Ahad: Since I’ve been loving you by Led Zeppelin

WO: The last person you texted?

Ahad: My mum.

WO: A country/city you are dying to visit?

Ahad: Japan.

WO: Do you read, watch a movie, or sleep when on a plane?

Ahad: I do a lot of writing! And I am working on a few scripts.

WO: What’s next after Yakeen Ka Safar?

Ahad: Well, Parwaaz hai Junoon is releasing this year and I will start shooting for my next drama in November. I cannot reveal the details but I can say that it will be epic in its scale.

WO: The one thing that made you say yes to Yakeen Ka Safar?

Ahad: Asfandyaar’s transformation.

WO: Cake or steak?

Ahad: Steak.

WO: Your weirdest childhood habit?

Ahad: Well, I still have the habit of wearing hats – come summer or winter. I used to wear them even when it was -40 in Canada!

WO: Have you ever done something you wish your parents never find out?

Ahad: My mum reads/watches all my interviews, even the ones I try she doesn’t. So, I cannot if I do answer the question , she will find out!

WO: One thing you’d like to tell your parents?

Ahad: That I love them!

WO: Who’s the most influential woman in your life?

Ahad: My mum for sure.

WO;:. What comes to your mind when we say feminism?

Ahad: Equality.

WO: Laundry or cleaning – what did you hate more during your time in Canada?

Ahad: I didn’t hate either of them actually. Sundays were reserved for these activities. I’d light some candles and make the house smell nice while doing home chores. It was quite therapeutic.

WO: The three things your ideal girl MUST have?

Ahad: She should respect herself and other individuals, she should be able to argue cool headedly, and she should be active.

WO: When you are not working you are..?

Ahad: I am still working. Or sleeping!

WO: Mum or dad – your go to person in a time of crisis?

Ahad: My dad.

WO: One thing you were pleasantly surprised by on the sets of Yakeen Ka Safar?

Ahad: The team work and how well everybody gels in together.

WO: One gadget you are dying to own?

Ahad: I am a musician so there is this guitar I really want to have.

WO: Are you a saver or a spender?

Ahad: I save for some time and then go and spend it all together! So a bit of both I guess!

WO: You indulge in?

Ahad: Desserts.

WO: Eat out or cook at home?

Ahad: Home.

WO: One thing you love about following:

Kubra Khan

Ahad: She’s a beautiful human being

Sajal Ali

Ahad: One of the most charming girls I have ever met.

Mawra Hocane

Ahad: That she’s incredibly driven.

Realisation #5: If Bano was able to talk, this is what she would say to me.

Entangled between a mess of crumbs on the floor, over-cooked rice on the stove, a shoe I could not find and the clock on the wall that said it’s time to go pick Minha up, I saw Bano sitting on the floor, with a clump of those crumbs stuck to her hands and a few in her mouth. There was a devilish smile on her lips, a cheeky twinkle in her eye. The mountain of frustration that was making me hyperventilate melted as her saw her cute little face shine even brighter in the light that peered through the window. Her pair of teeth sparkled as she grinned. In the quiet of the apartment that was currently inhabited by just her an I, here’s what I heard her say:

“Hi, my name is Bano and I am not a grown up. I like to sit in in different corners of my home and scream rather than play peacefully in the nice play pen my parents have bought for me. I'd rather eat the kachra on the floor or the crumbs my sister drops while she has her meal than the yummy food my mama makes for me. I like to be very noisy in public and demand milk just when my mama desperately needs to go to the bathroom. You know…that’s just how I am. I'd rather bang my head in the wall or fall flat on my face than sit securely in my high chair and play with blocks. I like to have more food on my bib than in my tummy when it's eating time. I like to wake my mama up several times in the night just because I want a hug from her.  I am 14 months old…but that’s just how I like my nights to be. If my mama decides to undergo the brave process of travelling with me to Pakistan, I give her such a hard time that she swears she will never repeat the heinous act again. Recently, I have developed an aversion to showering and an affinity for making a mess of my hair as soon as my mama makes a little ‘fawara’ pony on the top of my head. I like it messy, you know. I don’t like the stroller anymore. I like being wild and free…yes…even when I am on the roads. But mama, I am just a baby. Please let me be me. Before you and I know it, it will be time for me to go to school. Soon enough I will have to deal with the pressure of studying, maybe fitting in or sometimes not being good at things too. I will have to deal with the issues of life, with heart break maybe, with losing friends. I will pass sometimes, at times fail. You know the drill mama. I will have to go to university, perhaps live away from you, find a job and one day become a mama just like yourself. Juggling between my kids and my home and work, I will be so busy that you will wait for me to call. If we end up in different cities or countries, you will have to wait for months before you get to see me. Ask nano. And dadi. They know. So mama, enjoy me. For I will be a grown up soon and then you will have ample time to sleep or just be with baba. I know how you like to just be with baba. Then you can have your leisurely coffees in cafes and watch your favourite shows in peace. I will not be there to annoy you on your trips or scream for you in the background as you try to clean the house, frazzled and pressed for time. There will, for sure come a time mama, when you will have all the time but you will not have me. So, for now, let me be and don't let me wear you down. For I will not be this tiny person for very long.”

As I stood there, watching my little girl crawl towards me, hold my pants and stand up with their support, I said to myself that a few months ago, she wasn’t even able to sit. Today, she’s standing up. Tomorrow she, with her sister, is going to run far away, making her own life. I will be left with nothing but an empty nest. With perhaps a few albums that will take me down my memory lane. A home that’s tidy, a to-do-list very short. Just like Minha grew up in the blink of an eye, she will too. I stood there, realizing that the chores can wait. There will always be chores…but will me baby be a baby forever? No, she won’t. And as I realized that, the tense muscles in my body eased. The mess became less visible, the dust seemed unimportant. I bent down, picked up my little nut, and we kissed and hugged till it was time to go pick my elder chatty parrot.

Photo ke peechay kya hai, photo ke peechay?

Dear peeps of my Insta family, I want to thank you all or loving all my photos from Greece and Croatia. Here are some answers to the FAQs and comments.

Split, Croatia

Our history with photography

Faizaan and I started developing love for photography in 2011 when we bought our first camera and started experimenting with it at home, with Minha and on our trips. It is something that one develops skill for slowly and we still have a LONG LONG way to go. No editing software or camera can just do it FOR YOU. You have to take out time to acquire the skill and hone it. Everything that I have learnt about it is through Faizaan, at least 90% of it. The rest of the 10% has been learnt by andherey mein teer chalaaing and it somehow working. Faizaan learnt what he knows through YouTube tutorials, photography magazines, some experimentation and then finally a 3 month diploma at Indus Valley in Karachi. Between 2013 and 2016 we took our hobby one step higher by starting professional wedding photography and making a little name for ourselves in Lahore. Whatever we earned, we spent it on building on our equipment, which included a variety of lenses, lights, stands, diffusers, cameras, remote shutter releasers etc. While we were still gaining clientele and shuhrat, Switzerland happened, and we moved. And with that our time as wedding photographers ended.

Lake Bled, Slovenia

What it entails

Photography is an art as well as a passion. When we moved, we didn’t own a car to help us carry our equipment around AND Bano was also added to the equation with her stroller and winter gear. So, we started doing or photos with our mobile phones and ditched the equipment we owned. Over the past year we realized that this hobby has less to do with lenses and cameras and more with what your eye can catch and understand. This serves our ourpose of making memories well and being on the cover of Nation Geographic is anyway not an aim.

A lot goes behind this hobby – understanding how to compose a frame, lighting, how to use the tools while post processing, using your phone or your camera, the lenses and diffusers properly and so on. Buying an expensive camera or editing software does not guarantee good pictures, just like having all the ingredients in your kitchen does not guarantee good biryani. Yaani, aik button dabaein aur aik shahkaar nikal kea aye, aisa nahin hota. You need lot of patience too - such as waiting for hours for the sun to be in a certain position, clicking the camera several times with the same muse to get the preferred result; waiting for the passerby to exit your frame; waking up early to catch the golden hours OR the time when everyone else is sleeping; waiting for the birds to fly for more drama in a sea or mosque photo etc. Most definitely, it’s not a hobby meant for the impatient.

Ljubljana, Slovenia

What it means to us

Our pictures are a means of translating our memories into something that will last forever. We are not aiming to make money out of this so most of the time we are happy with just using our phones for most of the work. Thanks to better technology, phones offer cameras good enough to take family photos to make mementos or to even take shots for my blog.

We enjoy taking pictures and then expressing our feelings, experiences and interpretations of situations  through their colours and compositions. Faizaan and I may be taking photos at the same place or of the same thing but our end results differ, because we, as people, differ in our thinking and what we take away from life. It is also something we like doing together and bonding over it. It’s perhaps the one thing we look forward to doing together when the girls go off to college Inshallah.

Budapest, Hungary

Where you can start from

For your pictures to attract appreciation, you do not have to be travelling to different countries. You can start at home, and even stay at home, i.e. Pakistan, to create masterpieces. We have done great pictures at our (not so great) apartment in Karachi and at the neighborhood park….or Kund Malir Beach and Hingol Natonal Park in Balochistan, in Bahalwalpur, around the Old City of Lahore, and in the Saddar area of Karachi. We have yet to explore the North, but you could take your camera there! Affordable, accessible and very beautiful. Don’t wait to travel abroad to start taking pictures. Start now. Start at home.

Dubrovnik, Croatia

What should your take away NOT be from my pictures

This one’s for all the girls who message me saying they wished their husbands were interested in taking nice pictures of them. By no means does this passion of ours create any #couplegoals or #husbandgoals. This is just something we have found for ourselves to do together. This doesn’t have to be the thing YOU do together with your husband or hound him to take your pictures if he doesn’t like photography. You can do something else together which you both enjoy. The point is to spend time together doing something that you bond over. Look for what that thing can be for you. It could be playing a sport, or reading the same book and then talking about it, going to the gym together or even cooking. And if you prefer, sitting on your couch and watching movies together. Adding chai and nimco to that is also an option. Taking good pictures together is not the beginning and end of this world, especially if one partner is tanging on the sooli while the other is trying to be Mona Lisa. Social media se pressure kam lein aur entertainment zyada.

Santorini, Greece

Samajh aaein saari baatein?

Aa gaein?

Good. And good bye.

Some information:

Our camera – NIKON D650

Lens used on this trip: 50mm

My phone since the last 6 weeks: Huawei Mate 10 Lite

Editing software and the app we use: Lightroom and Snapseed.

Realisation #4: Some “me time” is the only therapy I needed.

About 2 months ago, I landed up at the doctor’s because of various physical and mental issues. Different pains in my body and sleepless nights were making it hard for me to carry out the daily responsibilities of a mum living in a foreign land without help. The trauma of a life-threatening delivery a year ago coupled with loneliness and fatigue had left me exhausted. That day as I told the doctor my issues, it felt as if her gaze could pierce through my heart and read everything it had to say. It felt as if I was being heard and understood after a long time.

She suggested some very mild antidepressants to me, a sleeping pill for a while and physiotherapy to get rid of my pains. In addition to the medical advice, she said “Get some help. Get a baby sitter. Look for a daycare”. The impact her gaze left on me was profound. I decided to take the leap and put Bano in childcare, 2 days a week only.

After some research and a few visits, we found a place we liked for our baby. Alhamdulillah, Bano’s transition to the daycare was smooth and soon enough we got the hang of it. Tuesdays and Thursdays were like heavenly treats for me, when both kids would exit the house at 8 am. You know how they say the world is your oyster? That’s what Schaffhausen became for me. I knew instantly what I wanted to do with my time. I wanted to do all those things I longed to do but never could because my body had permanent attachments – a stroller and a hungry/whining/pooping child in it.

I joined a yoga class on Thursday mornings as well as the expat mums’ walking group. I started taking trips to Zurich to see my Pakistani friends and sometimes to just to stroll and shop….watch people, experience big city life. I dedicated a few days to writing at my favourite coffee shop with a cuppa and chocolate croissant. On one Tuesday, I joined the school mums to do something really special – wear Dirndls (the traditional Swiss dresses) and wander about Stein am Rhine (a beautiful little Swiss town), soaking in history and taking photos. There were a few lunches and coffee GTs here and there. I went and lay down in parks all by myself. I climbed the castle steps.

As the weeks passed, I started developing friendships and having a social life. Some days, I found myself running from one plan to another. I felt I could get used to this place! My perpetually stressed mind and physically taxed body started finding some respite. It was not that I had some sort of a postpartum depression or that I was not enjoying becoming a mother again. It was just that it was all too much. Adjusting to a new place where I knew no one put together with a completely different style of life left my muscles constantly tense. Trying to wrap up as much as I could around the house as Bano slept and finishing the grocery as quickly as possible before the biscuit in her hands finished meant I was anxious 24/7 without even a second of a break. And that can be exhausting for a mother! I mean, we cannot fully relax even when we are asleep because that ‘chaadar’ that the baby always pulls off is a constant source of stress, isn’t it?

As I got the chance to have conversations with people who are not 1 or 7 years old, I realized there are so many others in the same boat. So many others who are living away from home, sharing the same issues that I have. If I miss the baara piece wala chicken, there are others too who miss their preferred meat cuts, feel agitated due to not knowing where the next job will be and worry about their children not learning their native language or missing out on certain religious aspects.

This time to myself helped me get some human interaction which I longed for without even realizing it. Getting to laugh with others, sharing experiences, woes and worries made me feel lighter. It gave me more confidence in my abilities to survive in a country other than Pakistan.

So sistas with little pistas, the fact is that mums need some time out – a trip to the salon or to the mall, meeting friends over coffee without worrying about the child throwing a fit over the broken cupcake, or just some time alone at home to read a book and clean in peace. These little breaks can rejuvenate us (gulloocoze ki botal feels) and allow us to make our home a happier place. Plus, presenting yourself to the husband as a calm, content dosheeza rather than drawny Chucky can be a game-changer for our marital life.

A few days ago, when I looked at the antidepressants ka pata lying on the kitchen counter before I left the house, I said to myself “I don’t need these”. And as I walked out of the house feeling really happy about this feeling of genuinely feeling happy, I realized oh my….it’s been days since I actually thought about the ICU bed! “Me time” is perhaps the only therapy I needed.


*This piece was written for and published in Weekend Magazine, The Nation, Pakistan.

**Photo Credit: Jill Meade-Odenbeck. You can check more of her work out here.

Realisation #3: Simple is magic.

We celebrated Minha’s 7^th birthday here in Schaffhausen a couple of days ago and this was the first time she got to have a party with her school friends. Back in Pakistan, we would always have a little celebration at home with our parents and our own friends…which are like 8. The food as well as the humble party décor would be home-made.

Believers of the fact that we don’t need to spend a lot of money to give our girls a complete, colourful and a happy childhood, F and I mutually agreed to stay away from the lavish birthday parties we saw happening around us. Thankfully, our 7 year old proves that time and again that our way of raising her is not wrong.

This year, however, it was my dilli khwaahish to have a party for Minha because I was happy (and relieved) to see how children’s birthdays are celebrated in happiest country in the world (UNDP World Happiness Index). There may be wealth but there is never a show of it, especially when it comes to the kids. To begin with, the little celebration was shared between her and her friend Isla, so it was easier for the parents in a lot of ways. We split the cost and were able to help each other out. Both families, including the birthday girls, wore pre-existing dresses. We booked a little picnic area in a forest for the celebration and went with home-made cakes. The menu was chicken hot dogs, cucumbers, carrots, strawberries and pineapples. Yup. That’s as fancy as the dastarkhwaan gets on Swiss birthdays. Easy. Healthy. Economical. No judgements made. For entertainment we had old school games such as dancing statues, pin the tail on the donkey, a piñata and the slide and swings which were part of the venue. No diamonds shining here and there, no waiters making rounds with drinks. Just the parents managing the affair on their own. And guess what? We managed just fine.

As the kids laughed and cried and played and fought, Faizaan said ‘kitni achi birthday hai ye’ and I agreed. The kids were HAPPY just being themselves and running around. Isn’t that what they need? No? Pakistani kids would find that boring? Maybe that’s because it’s the kind of expectations we’re setting for them that with every passing year, they need more and more to be satisfied. Maybe it is because of the way we, as a society, are raising them that the sand castle has lost it’s charm and only the Disney castle can put a smile across their faces.

I don’t understand why there is so much pressure on mums today to plan the ‘perfect day’. Between the magic show, trampoline, 2 types of jumping castles, rides that work with coins, cotton candy man, popcorn man, a horse to ride, face painting, colouring and more (Hajmola,sir), the kids don’t even get the chance to take a go at each of the options available in the 3 odd hours they spend at a party. Why is perfection defined by the amount of money spent and the variety a birthday party offers for the guests in terms of the food, the games and the giveaways? Isn’t perfection defined by happy memories, a smiling child, a birthday cake being cut little kids singing? Why is it necessary to have an extravagant budget that makes a kid’s birthday party look like a mini mela/life size walima? I mean…how will we please that child on his or her actual walima if the birthdays are already this huge? When I compare Swiss birthdays with those that were happening around me back home, I wonder who we are competing with. And what we are getting out of it. Are we doing all this so our kids get to befriend the ‘right’ kind of classmates or prove something to the rest of the mums? Why is our satisfaction defined by the amount of wah wahs we can get by the lavishness of our dessert table or who we are hiring to do that dessert table?

With the internet, academic pressures and our kids entangled with more and more complex psychological issues, probably this is one area where we can cut ourselves some slack as parents. Perhaps, we should pause and question whether we are using the right means to achieve the end. Is extravagance the guarantee of the magical childhood that we so yearn to give to our children? Or is our attention and quality time enough to give our kids security, reassurance and a sense of completion? Studies show that when children are spoilt for choice, their happiness erodes, and they are robbed of the gift of boredom, which encourages creativity and development. So, what do we do? We say no to this culture to protect the childhood of our children. Perhaps that is the greatest gift we can give to them. And perhaps, the responsibility of creating an environment in which birthdays of small budgets are accepted falls on those who can actually afford to have the big bashes.

When we came home after our party, huffing and puffing, kinda worn down by the over energetic kids and the heavy rain, Minha exclaimed “it was the happiest day of my life”! And there. I was assured. Simple is magic and simple is the way to go indeed.


This article was written for Weekend Magazine, The Nation, Pakistan.

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Realization #2: He is as much responsible for the existence of my children as I am.

I did something a little “odd” a few weeks ago – “odd” in the eyes of the Pakistani society to be precise. There was a very special family occasion back home and it was my utmost wish to be there for the celebrations. So, my 6 year old (called Minha) and I travelled to Pakistan while my 11 month old (called Shehrbano) and her father stayed back in Switzerland.

Pakistani khawateen be like: “Kyaaaaaa???????”

Let me explain. In February, I travelled to and back from Pakistan with both my children and to date, I am not quite over the trauma. Bano didn’t sleep for 12 hours straight. Her incessant howls throughout the plane ride made me sweat from those parts of my body where I didn’t even know sweat glands existed. I am sure a lot of fellow passengers would sue me for damages if the option for suing over a crying baby existed. I had to carry her across the airport at Abu Dhabi which gave me shoulder and arm pain for the next 3 months. True story. In the middle of this fiasco, Minha’s unrelenting bathroom and headphone-fixing needs gave me an unwanted crash course of professional juggling. Hence, I was in no mood to go through a nightmarish flight again.

When I had almost decided to not go for the family function in lieu of the scary flight forecast, my very wise (most of the time) husband came up with a grand plan: the baby stays. I was obviously over the moon at the prospect of getting undisturbed sleep after a whole year and the deal was sealed without much argument taking place between us very mature adults.

Now, since I blog, the “big news” was revealed to my Instagram family. The messages and comments of women were multifaceted – they wanted to understand how F agreed to do something like this as well as how I felt while travelling without Bano.

Let’s talk about F’s agreement first. Parenthood for us means we are in it together. With no external help or support, both of us need to contribute equally when it comes to the children. While sharing the diapers, showers, meals, naps and school runs, F knows the children as much as I do. Well…almost. Based on his excellent capabilities of taking care of his ‘own’ children, I have taken a few day trips and a weekend trip on my own already. So, when he came up with his million-dollar idea, I knew it wasn’t something unfathomable.

Agla mauzoo…how the experience was for me. I’d like to describe it as GREAT. During the flight, I didn’t miss Bano one bit. I enjoyed the meal service as well as the entertainment system. Even Minha seemed glad the baby was with baba. “You’re so pleasant this time mama” she said. So, I am pretty sure on the last flight, I resembled one of Khaleesi’s dragons.

f

During my time home, I enjoyed not waking up for milk/crying-for-no-reason episodes multiple times in the night. It was refreshing to be able to concentrate on myself for a change, on my clothes, my hair and my makeup. I was able to fully enjoy the seekh kababs and my time with my family instead of dealing with the baby’s jet lag and the guaranteed tummy bug. I even went to the spa twice. Did I miss my little one at all? Of course. I’m a mum. I even had a crying episode. But would I do something like this again? Hell, yes!

To conclude this piece which is getting longer that I thought it will – why is it “odd” if a mother takes such a break? Why was it the talk of the drawing room that I have left my baby back in Switzerland? Kyaaaa? Baap ke paas chorh aai? Jaisey mein kahin sarhak pe phaink aii! In fact, I was glad she was chilling with her dad in the comfort of her home instead of going through the fatigue of travelling.

With reference to the skipped chapter of Reproduction in biology books, if the father is as much responsible for the existence of a child as the mother, then why is childcare the responsibility of the mother alone? Why does the typical saas frown when the pyara beta ‘babysits’ the child? Why do we even use the word ‘babysit’ when the father is in question. We don’t use it for the mother…who basically babysits 24/7. Why is “mein pamper nahin badloon ga” considered okay if the pyara beta says it? Would it be okay if the bahu said the same?

The fact of the matter is that when a couple decides to have a child, the child belongs to the both of them. The diapers, the homeworks and driving-to-bithday-parties are not just the aurat ka kaam. When my husband is alone with the kids, he says he gets to bond with them. And bonding with YOUR children is beautiful, all you lazy daddies out there!

When I came back home and asked F how it was managing the baby without me, he, being a man of a few words, replied: “fit”. And yes…that was it.

This article was written for Weekend Magazine, The Nation, Pakistan.

"Exercise is for fat people", you said.

That's so two thousand and lame.

Meri pyari behno, this is for all those who messaged me yesterday saying “exercise ki kya zaroorat hai, achi khaasi patli ho” and “you are body goals”. Aap sab ke messages parh ke mein kaafi shock mein aai.

Aap ko ye kisnay kaha that I want to take up more intense physical activities to lose weight? Yes, I am not overweight, but I have been at the other extreme end of the spectrum for a VERY long time. I have suffered from lack of confidence and constant unhappiness about the way I looked because I was always too thin for the liking of desi aunties as well as uncles. Throughout my adolescent life, I wished I had a fuller body to be able to look good in all kinds of clothes. In my pursuit of putting on weight, I threw loads of harmful calories into my system - coke, bakery stuff, lots of oil and other trash. This will hurt the more enlightened people but I am sorry. I am sorry about the way I treated my body. I always said I can "afford to eat all this" but can anyone really afford to eat all this?

I have put on a couple of kilos after becoming a mum and I am very happy about that. It gives me more confidence about my appearance. BUT. I am NOT happy about what I am made up of from the inside.

Over the past couple of years, I have realized that ‘body goals’ are the wrong kind of goals and we need to have ‘health goals’ instead. We all have different body structures, with different genetic makeups and metabolism rates. Those who feel they are overweight (not calling anyone 'mota') strive to achieve a certain body type, even if that means getting to it in a wrong, unhealthy way. I see so many people people losing weight dangerously fast. Your bones will pay the brunt of it one day. On the other hand, those who are naturally thin feel they don’t ‘need’ to work out because that’s what it physically looks like. So, they hog on sugar and fat-laden stuff, without realizing the shit they are accumulating in their blood vessels. That's been my story too, as I mentioned.

This picture is of me 3 days ago standing outside a doctor’s clinic, who I had gone to see for a detailed physical examination. I failed miserably at his stamina test and didn’t do well at his flexibility test. I was SO embarrassed telling him about the unhealthy stuff that I do eat and all the good stuff that I don't. I told him about all my pains – many of which can be easily dealt with by working out. I walk like insane the entire day BUT to live longer, those strolls don’t count. I suffer from various issues that contribute to mental ill-health – owning to my near-death experience last year. I abused my body so bad while preparing my IBA lectures that I ended up with a slip disc and acute pain in my lower back. I cannot fix that; I can only 'manage' that. Hence, I see how my lack of exercise is eventually going to take away the quality from my life. Do you see how I am not really #bodygoals ?

I have been blessed with a fast metabolism by nature (and I call this a blessing only now, I have hated it for a greater part of my life) but this body is going to be no good if I sit around on my butt thinking ‘mein to patli hoon, kya zaroorat hai exercise ki?'. I want to be there for my kids and physically be in a position to help them even when they have grown up.  So, I have promised myself to at least start going towards a better and healthier lifestyle and I hope I don’t forget about this promise. When I see very very old people, probably in their 80s, here in Schaffhausen, walking to the store to do their groceries, which they will carry back home themselves, I clearly see the problem with most of us in Pakistan. Back home, pachaas saal ki umar ke baad hamaray goday kittay reh jaatey hein because of our misconceptions about exercise and health.

Conclusion: Everyone needs exercise. If you’re overweight based on your BMI, definitely shed those kilos, but shed them with HEALTH in mind rather than the dress you want to fit in. That way your body will last longer. And if you’re thin, don’t let that dress that you fit in be the defining cause of your ultimate happiness. Make sure the body that makes the dress look fabulous feels fabulous too and is sturdy enough to continue doing that over the years.