EID STYLING 101- WHAT I WORE AND SOME MORE

This Eid was a very special one for me – it was the first of my second innings, for one, and then it was also my second baby’s first. I have always enjoyed Eid because you get to enjoy some family time and also because all the hosting is done by my mum and MIL so it’s chilling time for me. But what is most fun is dressing up in new clothes and pairing them with matching accessories.

I had been planning what to wear on Eid since before Ramzan had even started, picking the ideal cuts and making guesses about my post delivery naap. Hoping the swelling in my feet will disappear after my delivery and I will be able to wear something other than ugly bathroom chappals, I partnered with 3 shoe brands to make my feet look extra pretty. Here are the 4 looks my double chin, the post-baby paunch and I created for myself this Eid.

Day 1

Since I am still very low on energy and stamina after the surgeries, I didn’t do too many visits. Lekin tayyar honay pe saari jan laga di. The first day involved spending some time with my husband’s family after a sheer khurma breakfast with my own, so I wore what my MIL made for me. This lemon chiffon outfit is adorned with pretty embroidered bunches of roses and cutwork. She does clothes by the name Ashoo and Montaha and you can check out more of their stuff here. Since the cut was simple, I decided to opt for some fun on the sleeves, which feature cut out shoulders and voluminous forearms. The pants have a bit of a frilly scene at the hem.

I paired my jorha with these diamond earrings which I made my husband buy for me zabardasti on one of our anniversaries a few years back. I never got to use them, as he had rightly predicted, but this year they finally found a purpose in life and matched perfectly with my outfit. They are chamking along with their kismat.

Please note how beautiful my Cocoon sandals are – the tear drop crystals on the shoes also match the tear drop Topaz in my earrings, woohoo! It was love at first sight when I spotted them on Instagram so I just had to have them. They are the perfect example of minimalistic fashion – they are barely there, show more of my foot and shine just about right. I heart them.

I used pale Orange lip colour (Revlon Colourburst lip balm Shade Rendezvous) and bright orange nail colour (Kiko nail lacquer shade 357) to complement the yellow. I also straightened my hair and put on some perfume.

Day 2

I spent day 2 with my side of the family so I wore what my mum made for me. Truth be told, I am the designer and she is just the financer. I was sure that for one of the Eid days I want a wrap in blush pink – the cut is all over Instagram and the colour is trending majorly. However, I ended up getting something stitched that gave the illusion of a wrap using strategic placement of the lace but is actually a shirt with dolman sleeves -  saved the tailor the hassle and me the silayee ke paisey. Master saab was kind enough to take my khwaab to paya e takmeel.

I got the embroidered organza from Liberty in Lahore @ Rs.1000 per meter and had it dyed. The laces were procured from Button Corner in Ghalib Market, as usual. Please note the pretty ribbon work lace I used on the daaman:

I paired my jorha with gold and pearl earrings. They are a gift from my MIL and I absolutely love them. They are the perfect size when you want to be formal but not so formal, if you get me.

For bottoms, I went for boot cut pants with organza and pearl detailing at the hemline. Jootay puranay hi pehen liye, socha zyada over na hooa jaye.

Since the colour of my outfit was subtle, I went for some bright makeup – used my favourite rosy pink lip colour (Kiko Lipstick Strawberry Pink 904) and shocking pink nail polish (Kiko Nail Lacquer Raspberry Cream 361).

Day 3

This look is my favourite, possibly because my hair was most under control on the third day. I got this kurta from Agha Noor around November last year and being very door andesh, decided to keep it for Eid. This fully embroidered shirt was an amazing bargain at Rs.3500 only and is more of a timeless piece because it doesn’t include any of the trending sartorial features. The colour is in vogue and I instantly knew I want to pair this with gold eye shadow and red lips. I teamed the kurta with a shalwar accentuated with a bows.

Shall we take a moment to appreciate my Saphigo earrings? They are so cute! The minute I saw them I knew I needed them in my life. They are formal yet delicate and completely drool-worthy. Also, I love the illuminating effect they have on my face. It is an ideal pair of earrings to wear when you want to worry less about the clothes and let your accessories do the talking. 

Another accessory I used is this chunky Sapphire arm cuff which was a great buy at a 1000 bucks. With gold and pearls, it is the judwa bhai of my dainty earrings, lol.

What about the jootis? Well, I got these incredible fish scale gold and silver slip-ons from 3Footwear and I have to vouch for their comfort, style and affordability. The brand offers a great variety of everyday shoes so you can stop waiting for your trip abroad to get your annual shoe stash.

I opted for red lips (Clinique lipstick shade Cherry Pop) and nails (Kiko Nail Lacquer Vermilion Red shade 239).

Day 4

My Eids hardly ever spill over to Day 4 but this one did. I kept it casual and understated on the 4^th day – mainly because I was pretty exhausted after getting dressed for 3 days straight with an infant in my life and low levels of hemoglobin. I got this lawn block printed fabric from a new label on the block called Gulmohar, spotted at the Daachi Mela in Lahore. I got it stitched like an angrakha – again this is an illusion and the angrakha effect is created using the placement of the dark blue piping. Master saab kinda rocks at these hacks.

I paired the top with gharara pants, which I find more contained and practical than the all encompassing traditional gharara.

I also enjoyed the playful fringe on the sleeves, ideal to create a fusion effect when added to a traditional outfit.

Of course, every ensemble needs some accessories to spice things up a little. So, I used my firoza and pearl earrings along with a huge ass ring I got from Kohsar Market in Islamabad a few years back to complete my look. It is the best feeling when purani cheezain match perfectly well with new kaprhey.

Please note how well my Chapter13 khussas go with my outfit. They have the same shades of blue and I find the tie-up part pretty cute. The khussas were comfortable and the safaai of the haath ka kaam is evident. Thank you Chapter 13 for being so creative and providing your clients with traditional yet innovative options to adorn their feet.

I had no energy to change my nail colour hence you see kal wala red and I have no idea why I chose brown lipstick with this outfit, but here’s the name of the shade: Revlon, Rum Raisin. It did look nice, though.

Acha chalta hun, duaaon mein yaad rakhna…

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MY LETTER OF APOLOGY TO DR.A

Dear Dr. A,

While choosing to keep your name from the world, I beg for your forgiveness that I couldn’t impress you with my ‘temperament'.

When I woke up in the ICU, the first thing I did was crack a joke with my husband. Little did I know how badly timed it was. I did not know what had happened over the past 4 hours while I was unconscious and all hell had broken lose on my family. A C-section that was supposed to last 40 minutes had turned into a life threatening procedure. I had been given 7 bottles of blood and needed more. While I delivered a healthy baby 25 minutes into the surgery, a complication called Placenta Accreta almost took my life.

As I slowly gained more consciousness, I started noticing all the ‘unexpected extras’ attached to my body. I had gone inside with just one branula, I came out with 6 which dotted both my arms over bruised patches. I noticed there was a bloody drain popping out of my stomach, a urine bag dangling next to me, and a weird bunch of catheters were protruding out of my neck. The pain was more than what I had expected. I had undergone a C-Section for my elder daughter 6 years ago so I was confused. And then my doctor came to explain to me what had happened and all that I had lost during that surgery. I was supposed to stay for 2 days in the hospital; that had now been revised to 8. “You can say that your plane crashed but you survived,” he said. And then I struggled to sleep through the night.

The next morning I was woken up by the head nurse in the ICU who asked me if I had walked around. I was so shaken to hear that I was this close to dying that I did not feel I have the power to invest in a walking escapade. I was petrified. I wanted my doctor. I told her I want to wait for him but she gave me a nice scolding. I had a bad shivering attack after that which made my stomach muscles, interlaced with lots of stitches and wounds, quiver. It was painful. Without the AC or the fan it took 3 blankets and 20 minutes to settle. Thank you sister for the early morning present.

Then, thankfully, my doctor came, we had another talk. He made me sit up, which was quite an exercise for me, both mentally and physically. As soon as he left, the physiotherapist came and made me do some more exercises. In the middle of all this I was being pumped with drips and injections and a lab assistant was drawing a blood sample. I was drained. And then you came – to change my dressing.

You pulled the tapes off my skin as if you have no concept of pain. You pressed on the dressing harder than you should have. My stitches and wounds were tender and you hurt me. Yes, you couldn’t have done anything about the pain resulting from the surgery but you could have been gentle. And after you rattled my broken stomach and subjected me to your mean, rude, insensitive demeanor, Dr.S, the Mighty, came. I needed a break, just a moment to stop talking, for it to stop hurting, for me to catch some air. Dr.S started with her tassalli and I covered my eyes to stop my tears. I requested her that I don’t want to discuss what had happened. Her reply was that she wasn’t here for social service; she was here at the request of another senior doctor. When a hurting patient in the ICU asks the doctor for a moment, is that the reply a ‘senior’ doctor is supposed to give? I started panting, trying to catch my breath, I started getting the painful shivering attack again, but she wouldn’t stop her rant. My husband and sister asked her to step out, my condition quite evident, but her ego had been hurt. A nurse stepped in to put the oxygen mask on my face but apparently ‘senior’ doctors are supposed to be blind to everything but their own inflated sense of self. She continued arguing with my husband about how she was there on request and was not being treated with respect.

Finally she stormed out. After the whole hue and cry had happened, you told my husband “Itni senior doctor theen, inhon ne ehsaan kiya hai aap par yahan aa kar, laikin aapkey patient ka temperament bohat kharab hai.” Patient ka ‘temperament’? Dr.A, you are a woman. Do you know what it is like for a woman to lose what I had lost? You had obviously read my file and you knew. Do you know what it feels like when you know you were this close to never waking up again? Do you know what it feels like to imagine the news of your death being broken to your 6 year old daughter? Do you know what a mother feels like when she knows she was this close to never seeing her new born, never knowing her? What it feels like to imagine there was a possibility your babies would have had to grow up without your lap, without your love? To imagine what your husband would do with those 2 kids, how would he fill the void of a missing mother? To imagine what your parents would go through to learn that their 33 year old daughter didn’t make it in the operation theatre? Do you have a family? Do you have people around you that love you, who you never want to see cry? What sort of a ‘temperament’ would you have displayed if you were in my shoes? Have you become this callous because you cut people up every day and their pain is just routine for you? Or perhaps you missed all those lectures where your professors taught your batch mates how important it is for a doctor to be compassionate in addition to being skillful.

I want to know why it was MY job to smile and be nice to you while I was going through the biggest turmoil of my life. It hadn’t even been a day. I want to know why I was supposed to salute Dr.S and feed her ego when I was going through agonizing pain. Why was it not okay if I didn’t want to talk? How dare you tell my husband who, less than 24 hours ago was trying to figure out what to do with my babies in case of bad news, that he needs to manage my ‘temperament’? Why is the coming of a doctor to see a patient an ehsaan? Isn’t it their job? Don’t you become a doctor because you want to help people? Well, you cannot cure people when you don’t even have 2 nice words to say, when you don’t even know how to change a dressing with a light hand, when you don’t even understand that surgeries, specially that take a patient close to death, can be traumatic for normal people. I am still dealing with the trauma, I still cry when I imagine my eldest learning that mama will never come home.

Just learning how to cut and then stitch people up doesn’t make you a doctor. You need to know how to heal people. You are lucky to be working in the hospital you are in. If you need lessons on how to heal patients and be a real doctor, learn from Dr. Tajammul who has a sea of compassion in him, who has done and is doing all that he can to pull me out of this.  Learn from Dr. Gardezi, whose entrance through the door made me feel like everything will be okay. Observe Dr.Kamran as he knows how to be firm yet kind and warm. Learn from Rizwana, Mehwish, Sonia and Naureen, nurses in the ICU, who held my hand through all my blood tests and cleaned up my mess, each time with a smile.

Smile a little for your patients, Dr.A, it won’t cost you a cent. Understand them rather than expecting them to give you protocol. They say mareez ki duaein zaroor lagti hai, you never know when you may need them. Shifa deynay wala Allah hai, magar waseela aap hein. Dil naram kar ke waseela banein. Perhaps, you need to revisit why you chose to become a doctor.

Once again, I am deeply sorry, that a day after the most traumatic, shocking and scary experience of my life, I wasn’t able to welcome you with the ‘temperament’ that was agreeable for you.

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A LETTER TO MY UNBORN CHILD

I am sitting in bed, trying to cherish the last few hours of having you inside me before you are brought into this world tomorrow (Inshallah). I just put your elder sister to bed after talking about what tomorrow will be like. It's is a big day for her – she has waited anxiously these past 9 months to meet you, her baby sister. She used to beg me to pray for a sister even before I was pregnant with you and when I started expecting you, baba and I actually wished we have a girl this time around as well. He has always had a thing for girls (LOL) and after knowing your sister, I have developed an affinity too! I am excited to be able to hold a little baby again in my arms. I am already in love with you and quite sure I will miss your kicks inside me. But what I have been even more excited about is that Minha will have you, a sister, which is probably the best gift God can give to a girl, a best friend for life.

However, at many points through this pregnancy, people’s statements and reactions have been nothing short of disgusting. Why? Because my second child will also be a girl and the society that you are about to be born into is tainted with a ghastly belief system – it has a suffocating obsession with sons.

A few months back my maalish wali said “Waisey to jo Allah ki marzi, laikin dua to achi hi maangni chahiyay. Iss dafa Allah karey baita ho”, as she massaged my aching legs. I wondered why praying for a son qualifies for being an achi dua and for a daughter it doesn’t. Every faqeer that could notice my tummy said “Allah apko baita de” instead of saying “seyhat aur zindagi wala baccha de”, thinking that the former comment has more chances of making me happy and giving more sadqa. From your sister’s caregiver to your nano’s cook, everyone has showered me with ‘good wishes’ that I have a boy.

But was this dua limited to the people who, unfortunately, were not educated? For who having a son actually means old age security? Well, certainly not. I got unwelcomed reactions from some people in our own family too. “Baita hota to family complete ho jaati, ab to tum baitey ke liye try karo gi.” I got that from some friends too who didn’t say it out loud but their expression said everything on finding out about another girl. And these weird responses at times really did make me feel uncomfortable. Why would the birth of a son mark the completion of my family but that of a daughter will not? Is a girl somehow less complete than a boy? Does a baby girl give less pleasure to her parents? Is it some second degree sort of a present from God? Am I supposed to feel self pity that my second child is a girl as well? Am I supposed to look at you with some sort of disappointment? Do you deserve less love?

No. Never. I want you to know that you are not coming to parents who think of girls being any less than boys. You are coming to a family where you will not be taught that marriage and kids are your ultimate goal in life. You will play football if you want to and bake or paint if that’s what your preference is. You will be taught to be independent and confident. You will be taught to always voice your opinion. You will, if Allah allows, get the education that I would’ve given to a son had I had one.

Thinking like a selfish parent, when I look around, it is actually the daughters who do more for their mum and dad than sons do – that’s what my experience has been. I see daughters bonding with their parents differently than boys – and by that I mean a good different, of course. It is the daughters who are always around in sickness and in health, with their relationship with parents remaining unwavered irrespective of their marital status, social requirements or the amount of work they have at their workplace. In old age, daughters are a bigger emotional support than sons. Yes, I have seen sons being the financers but it’s always the daughter feeding the ailing parent with her hands. In today’s day and age, why is the concept that the male child will provide the resources still lingering? Why can’t a daughter do the same? If, at least, in the educated families, daughters too attend universities and make good money at their workplaces, why is a son needed for insurance? Your baba’s nani lives with your dadi, who has supported her in every way possible – from her financial to her medical and emotional requirements, your dadi has taken care of it all. That’s the example your father and I live with. I find those couples rather unfortunate who do not value their daughters and have a child after child in the quest of producing the chashm o chiraagh of the khandaan. Jab ke beti se zyada roshan koi chiraagh ho nahin sakta. I feel for those daughters who watch their parents love them differently from their brothers.

Even though we don’t know each other yet, I know that along with your sister, you are going to be my strength and my unfailing support. You both are going to be my best friends. I want you to know that IF I do decide to have a third child at some point down the road, it WILL NOT be because I wanted to try for a boy. It will only be if I want to re-experience a baby, because I will be missing little hugs of you and your older sister, I will be missing tiny hands and sweet laughter. As the hours of the night pass, I cannot contain my excitement. I can’t wait for you to join me and your sister for spa dates, nail polish nights, mehndi on chaad raats and a lifetime of incessant nonsense talking!

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