For over a decade, I was the girl with pimples. Not 1, not 2,
but many. When I used to speak about what I felt about my “cosmetic” problem,
people retorted “come on, you talk like you have a disease. Be thankful it’s
just acne”. But that ‘just’ is easy jargon when you have clear, glowing skin
and not a dented, scarred one.
The problem that started in 10th grade and
considered ‘normal’ by my friends and family made my life not-so-normal. People would casually remark “yeh tumharay
moo pay kya hoa”? with hints of disgust on their faces. I wish I could smile
and say “I don’t care” like that girl in the Indian face wash ad. I wish I was
clean and clear, but I was the opposite. I responded by using loads of makeup
to hide the mess on my face, which worsened my condition. On my sister’s
nikkah, when I wanted to look my best, my face was a pool of big red pimples. I
remember looking at my reflection in the mirror and crying. I felt so ugly.
When people stared at my face, I felt ashamed and tried to hide it behind my
hair. Slowly, the beauty standards of the society crushed me and with every
effort that I made to face the world, my self esteem was kicked, shoved and
broken. No one understood how painful that struggle was for me, or how I became
a recluse and an introvert. I couldn’t concentrate on my studies, I lost track
of everything I was supposed to be and do.
It took me a while to convince my parents to take me to a
dermatologist. I was bent upon getting rid of the ‘curse’ on my face, willing
to take strong medication. But, when treatment began, I ended up with partial
blindness for a week. That was one hell of a jolt and I realized that I am so
obsessed with outward beauty that I am jeopardizing my mental peace as well as
my health. From that point, I resorted to ‘limu totkas’ and became my own acne
expert. With time, the marks on my skin dwindled. I realized I was much more
than just a girl with pimples. When you’re positive and confident, it shows on
your face and now I don’t allow those occasional zits impact the beauty that I
carry in my heart. I am beautiful, with or without pimples. In this battle with
myself, I am a winner.”
Illustration: Wasabi Illustrations. Check out more of their work here.
relatable👍🌺
ReplyDelete