Although I feel like I am a regular woman who dreams,
aspires and loves, I am the typical Pakistani sample who raises the haws and hayes of aunties in social gatherings.
When I graduated at the age of 22, I was ‘ripe’ for
marriage. However, I refused to be the girl who marries just because she’s at a
marriageable age according to desi standards. I wanted to have a career instead
and to wait to come across the right person. When I was a child and I’d visit my
father’s office, I used to love sitting in his chair and pretend being the CEO
of a company, answering calls and signing important documents. I wanted to
pursue my dream to stand on my own feet and earn myself a living. As I built
myself a career, my parents faced a lot of social pressure. “Shaadi kab karo gi? Buddhi ho gai to miyaan
nahin milay ga”. I got all of that, but I didn’t cave in.
8 years later, I found the one I wanted to marry. We were in
love, but he was 5 years younger than I was. While I had a successful career,
he was just beginning. He was comfortable in his own skin and I loved that
about him. The aunty brigade, however, wasn’t happy. People around me felt that
this marriage cannot work because I am older and happen to earn more. According
to the Pakistani mentality, a financially independent woman isn’t capable of
making a home.
We have been married for 5 years now and we are happy. We
have been through our share of troubles but we want to be together. I travel a
lot for work, I still earn more than he does, but that doesn’t come in the way
of my respect or my love for him. Every day when I come back, I give all my
time to my home and to my husband. I neaten up our space, I fix his cupboard
for him, I manage my groceries and I cook the things he likes. I spend time with
my in-laws. For the moment, we have decided to not have children. And of
course, if you refuse to be a baby machine and choose your career, you’re not
the right bahu.
Most of the time I don’t pay heed to what people say. But sometimes
it is nice to hear your susraal say that
they are proud of your achievements. Instead, my career is something they have
to ‘bear’. Sometimes, it hurts when I find them to be apologetic in front of
aunties that their daughter in law is a career woman. My husband is proud of me
but unfortunately the world is still uncomfortable. I wish Pakistani women weren’t
judged for the paths they chose. I wish the society was proud of me and my
choices. I wish more men were comfortable with this arrangement. Yet, in the
face of angst and disapproval, I march forward to become who I want to be.
By Anonymous.
This story has been illustrated by Fatima Baig. You can follow her here.
No comments:
Post a Comment