Realisation #5: If Bano was able to talk, this is what she would say to me.

Entangled between a mess of crumbs on the floor, over-cooked rice on the stove, a shoe I could not find and the clock on the wall that said it’s time to go pick Minha up, I saw Bano sitting on the floor, with a clump of those crumbs stuck to her hands and a few in her mouth. There was a devilish smile on her lips, a cheeky twinkle in her eye. The mountain of frustration that was making me hyperventilate melted as her saw her cute little face shine even brighter in the light that peered through the window. Her pair of teeth sparkled as she grinned. In the quiet of the apartment that was currently inhabited by just her an I, here’s what I heard her say:

“Hi, my name is Bano and I am not a grown up. I like to sit in in different corners of my home and scream rather than play peacefully in the nice play pen my parents have bought for me. I'd rather eat the kachra on the floor or the crumbs my sister drops while she has her meal than the yummy food my mama makes for me. I like to be very noisy in public and demand milk just when my mama desperately needs to go to the bathroom. You know…that’s just how I am. I'd rather bang my head in the wall or fall flat on my face than sit securely in my high chair and play with blocks. I like to have more food on my bib than in my tummy when it's eating time. I like to wake my mama up several times in the night just because I want a hug from her.  I am 14 months old…but that’s just how I like my nights to be. If my mama decides to undergo the brave process of travelling with me to Pakistan, I give her such a hard time that she swears she will never repeat the heinous act again. Recently, I have developed an aversion to showering and an affinity for making a mess of my hair as soon as my mama makes a little ‘fawara’ pony on the top of my head. I like it messy, you know. I don’t like the stroller anymore. I like being wild and free…yes…even when I am on the roads. But mama, I am just a baby. Please let me be me. Before you and I know it, it will be time for me to go to school. Soon enough I will have to deal with the pressure of studying, maybe fitting in or sometimes not being good at things too. I will have to deal with the issues of life, with heart break maybe, with losing friends. I will pass sometimes, at times fail. You know the drill mama. I will have to go to university, perhaps live away from you, find a job and one day become a mama just like yourself. Juggling between my kids and my home and work, I will be so busy that you will wait for me to call. If we end up in different cities or countries, you will have to wait for months before you get to see me. Ask nano. And dadi. They know. So mama, enjoy me. For I will be a grown up soon and then you will have ample time to sleep or just be with baba. I know how you like to just be with baba. Then you can have your leisurely coffees in cafes and watch your favourite shows in peace. I will not be there to annoy you on your trips or scream for you in the background as you try to clean the house, frazzled and pressed for time. There will, for sure come a time mama, when you will have all the time but you will not have me. So, for now, let me be and don't let me wear you down. For I will not be this tiny person for very long.”

As I stood there, watching my little girl crawl towards me, hold my pants and stand up with their support, I said to myself that a few months ago, she wasn’t even able to sit. Today, she’s standing up. Tomorrow she, with her sister, is going to run far away, making her own life. I will be left with nothing but an empty nest. With perhaps a few albums that will take me down my memory lane. A home that’s tidy, a to-do-list very short. Just like Minha grew up in the blink of an eye, she will too. I stood there, realizing that the chores can wait. There will always be chores…but will me baby be a baby forever? No, she won’t. And as I realized that, the tense muscles in my body eased. The mess became less visible, the dust seemed unimportant. I bent down, picked up my little nut, and we kissed and hugged till it was time to go pick my elder chatty parrot.