"Exercise is for fat people", you said.

That's so two thousand and lame.

Meri pyari behno, this is for all those who messaged me yesterday saying “exercise ki kya zaroorat hai, achi khaasi patli ho” and “you are body goals”. Aap sab ke messages parh ke mein kaafi shock mein aai.

Aap ko ye kisnay kaha that I want to take up more intense physical activities to lose weight? Yes, I am not overweight, but I have been at the other extreme end of the spectrum for a VERY long time. I have suffered from lack of confidence and constant unhappiness about the way I looked because I was always too thin for the liking of desi aunties as well as uncles. Throughout my adolescent life, I wished I had a fuller body to be able to look good in all kinds of clothes. In my pursuit of putting on weight, I threw loads of harmful calories into my system - coke, bakery stuff, lots of oil and other trash. This will hurt the more enlightened people but I am sorry. I am sorry about the way I treated my body. I always said I can "afford to eat all this" but can anyone really afford to eat all this?

I have put on a couple of kilos after becoming a mum and I am very happy about that. It gives me more confidence about my appearance. BUT. I am NOT happy about what I am made up of from the inside.

Over the past couple of years, I have realized that ‘body goals’ are the wrong kind of goals and we need to have ‘health goals’ instead. We all have different body structures, with different genetic makeups and metabolism rates. Those who feel they are overweight (not calling anyone 'mota') strive to achieve a certain body type, even if that means getting to it in a wrong, unhealthy way. I see so many people people losing weight dangerously fast. Your bones will pay the brunt of it one day. On the other hand, those who are naturally thin feel they don’t ‘need’ to work out because that’s what it physically looks like. So, they hog on sugar and fat-laden stuff, without realizing the shit they are accumulating in their blood vessels. That's been my story too, as I mentioned.

This picture is of me 3 days ago standing outside a doctor’s clinic, who I had gone to see for a detailed physical examination. I failed miserably at his stamina test and didn’t do well at his flexibility test. I was SO embarrassed telling him about the unhealthy stuff that I do eat and all the good stuff that I don't. I told him about all my pains – many of which can be easily dealt with by working out. I walk like insane the entire day BUT to live longer, those strolls don’t count. I suffer from various issues that contribute to mental ill-health – owning to my near-death experience last year. I abused my body so bad while preparing my IBA lectures that I ended up with a slip disc and acute pain in my lower back. I cannot fix that; I can only 'manage' that. Hence, I see how my lack of exercise is eventually going to take away the quality from my life. Do you see how I am not really #bodygoals ?

I have been blessed with a fast metabolism by nature (and I call this a blessing only now, I have hated it for a greater part of my life) but this body is going to be no good if I sit around on my butt thinking ‘mein to patli hoon, kya zaroorat hai exercise ki?'. I want to be there for my kids and physically be in a position to help them even when they have grown up.  So, I have promised myself to at least start going towards a better and healthier lifestyle and I hope I don’t forget about this promise. When I see very very old people, probably in their 80s, here in Schaffhausen, walking to the store to do their groceries, which they will carry back home themselves, I clearly see the problem with most of us in Pakistan. Back home, pachaas saal ki umar ke baad hamaray goday kittay reh jaatey hein because of our misconceptions about exercise and health.

Conclusion: Everyone needs exercise. If you’re overweight based on your BMI, definitely shed those kilos, but shed them with HEALTH in mind rather than the dress you want to fit in. That way your body will last longer. And if you’re thin, don’t let that dress that you fit in be the defining cause of your ultimate happiness. Make sure the body that makes the dress look fabulous feels fabulous too and is sturdy enough to continue doing that over the years.

Realization #1: When he asks you out, say “yes”.

This is the first of the motherhood features I will be doing for Weekend Magazine, The Nation.
Published in Weekend Magazine on 13th May, 2018, Sunday.

Yesterday morning when I was standing in the middle of Cerelac, poop and laundry, my husband messaged to invite me for a dinner date. "Should I ask Angela if she's free?" he said. Angela is the babysitter.

I read the message, thinking about what to say, and my mind ran through the jampacked schedule I had with the kids today. As the baby hung on one corner of my hip, the defrosted chicken, unmade beds and dirty utensils from last night beckoned me. My 6-year-old had a friend coming over again, in celebration of the Spring break, and I had promised them an outing. I was very tired, with lots of body aches (I guess that's how all moms with babies are like) but I knew that was F’s way of telling me that he misses me.

For months, he's been having it hard at work with lots of things to tackle, longer than usual hours and no time for a break. Hence, we haven't been as connected as him and I would like to be. We get the weekends, sure, but with the children, we are hardly left with any space for ourselves. So, although the body demanded otherwise, the heart made me reply “yes”.

In the evening, when I had accomplished all that I had to as a mom, it was time to play wife. I got into a simple monochrome outfit (easiest when you can't think), pulled up my dirty hair in a bun (works when a shower sounds like too much work), put on some red lipstick (does wonders when you can't be bothered with better makeup) and went out with my husband.

We skipped using the car and walked a slow-paced walk, admiring the final minutes of sunlight, the chilly breeze and the evening vibe of our small town. Opting for a Thai restaurant, we grabbed a table for two in the outdoors. Over a casual dinner, we got to talk and concentrate on each other after quite a while. Thanks to better weather, we took a stroll to the river with our favorite ice-cream cups after the food. While walking back home to our babies, I realized two hours for just me and him made such a difference. We had not felt this in touch with each other’s feelings in weeks and so, I was glad I didn't take a raincheck because of my tiredness.

The point here is that no relationships should be taken for granted - they all need to be cultivated and given time. Whether they are with your spouse, parents, siblings or your best friend. We lose sight of people who are important while getting through the daily struggles. But sometimes, we need to pause and correct that. I know my stamina is low when it comes to this time investment. Thus, I maintain very few relationships. But the ones I do, I try giving them my all, to value each special person in my life the way they deserve to be. That date night made me realize yet again that sometimes, mental refreshment cures physical tiredness while catching up with your loved ones. Pause for such catch-ups more often. 

This article was written for Weekend Magazine, The Nation, Pakistan.

You can follow me on Instagram here.

You can follow Weekend Magazine on Instagram here.

I am a Mum and I Need Time Out

#callinghusband911

The baby: “I am hungry and I am sleepy but I won’t eat or sleep. I will just cry. A lot. And yes, my diaper has leaked.”

The 6 year old: “I am hungry and I have homework but I forgot my homework in school and I want to have a bath while doing gymnastics in the tub. Can you watch me?”

Chaawal: “We are done. Take us off the hob before we turn into kheer.”

Daal: “I was defrosted 5 minutes ago. Can’t you hear the microwave going toon toon?”

Legs: “After that long uphill walk, can we like not contribute?”

Components of the large intestine: “Mera number kab ayega?”

Groceries lying in the stroller downstairs: “Are we staying in this thing for the entire night?”

Husband: *In a meeting*

This is the state of affairs in my life most of the time. Sometimes, even worse. At times, it feels resuscitation is required. And at other times, a khoon ki botal. If you’re a mum, especially one living out of Pakistan, then you’ve been here. And when mums find themselves biting off more than they can chew, they need time out.

This is where the husband comes in. When you’re losing your shit, give him the babies and cut yourself some slack. Either you stay home while he takes the kids out OR vice versa. I use both options from time to time and in both cases, the entire family wins.

Note: By no means does it mean you don’t love your kids – I mean is that even possible when you’re a mum? It just means you need some time to rejuvenate.

Tip: Ignore the susraal walas who think you are ghazab dhaaing on their son by making him keep the kids for some time. They’re his too. Biology class…remember?

Info: A happy mum is a happy home.

Extra info: In case the husband is reluctant, his whining will stop after noticing that you sound more like his wife and less like Chucky post some time-out.

Coming to the point, here are all the FANCY things I do when I when my offsrpings are not around, starting with when I am home alone followed by when I am out alone.

Cooking

Who knew this could be liberating. When I initially moved to Schaffhausen, my cooking routine entailed me running between the handi and the child while the pyaaz browned. That proved to be more cardio than I needed. Every time the noisy little people are not home, cooking can actually be fun while dancing to my favourite songs.

Bathing

A shower without my 6 year old banging on the door and demanding some crap or constantly reporting on how loud the baby is crying? YES! When the kids are not home, a tub bath can be as good as a Thai massage. Slow Bollywood love songs + great smelling The Body Shop products + cranberry juice – kids in the house = peace. Try this. You’ll like it. Light some scented candles too for better ambiance.

Nails

As soon as I put on a fresh coat, the kid starts crying. Result? A botched manicure, nail polish stains on her clothes and a whole lot of frustration. Hence, do it when the kids are out. When my hands look good, I feel refreshed, clean and taken care of.

Watching TV

While putting on my nail polish, I watch an episode or 2 of my favourite shows on Netflix or catch a HUM TV drama on YouTube. Watching something on TV when I actually get to follow the story without my daughter singing weird songs or my baby crying for milk is an absolute treat. Add a bar of chocolate to the mix. Awesome shit.

Catching up with Mom

A video call without her asking for the kids or the 6 year old making weird faces for nano as I try to discuss life issues helps me feel connected to my mother on an another level.

Grocery

I am the famous woman at the local grocery store who comes with the crying baby every day. I am sure people secretly put on ear plugs when I enter. Hence, being able to use the Translate app while getting sauda, randomly going down the aisles to see what kind of bathroom cleaning liquids or soup mixes are available and the like allow me to climb up to the next step on Maslow’s hierarchy.

Coffee and writing

No words needed. This is pure bliss.

Shopping

When I try something on in a shop and the baby is howling in the stroller, it can be pretty traumatic. While I try on a sweater, the shopkeeper probably wants to call child services. Hence, shopping minus the chances of me going to jail is kind of amazing.

Taking a trip

This used to mean day trips to Zurich or Basel to socialize for mental health purposes. But recently, I actually took a weekend trip to Paris and left my better ¾ in Schaffhausen. On my return, my brain cells felt refreshed and the fact that the 3 of them were alive means they didn’t really have a bad time either. Karna chahiyay kabhi kabhi.

Until next time....

You can follow me on Instagram here.

The Little Brown Bag I Found at Primark

Hallooo! Hope everyone's having a good day. I'd like to introduce you to the little brown bag I found at Primark. Primark has been my night suit store since my college days in England and when I saw one in Innsbruck a couple of weeks ago, I thought one little pilgrimage is a must. As I rummaged through the pajamas for myself and the kids, my eyes wandered off and spotted this one! 

I had been on the hunt for a brown cross body bag for the summer and was almost decided on a really nice tan beauty from Tory Burch. BUT when I saw this, I found it to be perfect with it's gold metallic handles and the round shape. Pretty different from the usual, no? So what if it's from Primark?! It's smart, spacious for a cross body, extremely versatile and guess what - it just cost me €14! Mein to sastey mein choot gai. Aur haan, it's a very sasta, but mayaari, version of Meghan Markle's Chloe bag.

To show how this one can be carried in Spring with a variety of styles to serve different occasions/parts of the day, I have come up with 5 different looks. Here they are.

#1: The school pick-up look

Here, I've used the bag as a cross-body, paired with a blue pinstriped button down shirt, white jeans (folded at the hemline) and tan sandals. I pulled my hair back in a messy bun, used really tiny studs as earrings and wore nude lipstick. While I do like looking clean and well-dressed everyday when I step out for grocery and picking up my daughter, I want to keep things minimal. The brown bag is a great accessory for a casual daytime look yet big enough to accommodate some money, a lipstick and my sunglasses - the items I need when making a quick school trip. 

Shirt: Primark

Jeans: Mango

Sandals: Tory Burch

 #2: The school-meeting look

So excited to have made blush pink, pastel blue and brown work together. Paring a pink suede jacket with a blue sleeveless pinstriped shirt and off-white pants makes an ideal outfit for more formal occasions such as meeting a teacher or other parents at school. Alternatively, this look can be used for more professional purposes such as meeting a client over coffee. I chose to keep my hair straight, lips light pink and accessories minimal. Pointed suede pumps on the feet complete my look. I love how my little brown bag blends in with my outfit, which I am using without the sling here.

Outfit: Mango

#3: The out with the mums look

A white georgette top paired with a pair of brown & white checked pants is a classic look to sport for coffee evenings with the girls. The combination is a great blend between formal and casual. I've used gold chunky stud earrings, a gold arm cuff and brown & gold sandals as accessories. On the face, I've used chocolate brown lip colour with eye makeup in shades of brown (from the Naked 2 pallette). Of course, my little brown bag, which I am carrying on one shoulder this time, ties the whole look together perfectly. Hair up or down? Can't decide!

Top and pants: Zara (bought 3 years ago though)
Sandals: Tory Burch

#4: Out with the kids on a Saturday look

Since the husband is home on the weekend, I get more time to spend on myself. So here, my outfit is a little more elaborate than when I make school rounds. I have paired a lose-fit white top (better than a tee as it helps to hide the post baby paunch) with my new high-waisted mom jeans, cropped at the ankles. The pretty white embroidery matches well with the shirt! Plus, the jeans are trendy, comfortable and very summery. I have little pearl studs on the ears, pearl-studded loafers on the feet and my hair is pinned up from one side. A warm, pink lip colour and my lovely brown bag finish my look. 

Top: Mango

Jeans: Zebra

Shoes: SOMA

#5: Lunch date with the husband look

When he randomly calls on a weekday for a quick bite in the Old Town, the messy ponytail comes in as a saviour. We all have dirty hair days, don't we? Well, a suede mustard spring coat can be used as a good way to compensate for the shampoo I never used. Instead of going for a plain white tee under the coat, I have used a printed crop top with beige embossed details to keep things from looking boring. I picked my ripped, high-waisted dark blue denims, folded at the hemline, and white sneakers to embrace the rising temperature. And since the occasion is a little more special than a trip to the grocery store, I let my pearl studs take the day off and went for some chunky gold hoops instead. Put together with the outfit, my brown bag makes quite a statement. What say you?

Coat, top and jeans: Zara
Shoes: Puma


You can follow me on Instagram here.

Tour de Lahore with The Local Wanderer

Rickshaws, honks, kachoris and a whole lot of beauty

I used to visit Lahore, my home, from Karachi multiple times in a year before we moved to Switzerland. However, when I went home a couple of weeks back from pardes, it felt different. My tourist genes, which usually lie dormant when I am in Lahore, came to life and it almost seemed like my awwaleen farz to explore the city I have grown up in. I am not talking about checking out the malls or eating at the swanky new  restaurants – the eyes wanted REAL Lahore, and the palate was craving for REAL desi food. And where do you find both of these together? Androon Shehr, of course.

So, me, a friend who was visiting from Paris, and my sister (trying to be a good host) booked a day around Lahore with The Local Wanderer. In Rs.2,500/person, they met us at Dilli Darwaza, fed us a hearty breakfast at the Shaahi Baithak and then took us around the most famous monuments of the Walled City. Here’s everything we saw and did.

Darakhton ki chaaon, nani ki kahaanian, dadi ki almaari se churaai hooi chocolate, mera bachpan, mera Lahore.

Androon shehr ka mirch masala.

Sohni dharti te waddhiya khana.

As we waited for our shahi nashta at the Shahi Baithak

When in Punjab, do as Punjabis do! Makhans, malaais, and the ghees are all good every once in a while.

The food, comprising lassi, keema bhari kachoris, halwa, chanay, pooris and mix chai, was delicious enough to cause food coma and heavy enough to cause a heart attack. Hence, a 5 hour walking tour after all this was a perfect idea.

Post the ghee laden nashta we started our sight-seeing, first stop being the Shahi Hamaam, where the recent excavation and renovation work is truly impressive.

Suffering ignorance, the British Raj and extreme deterioration over time, the Royal Bath stands today with what remains of it's beautiful frescos and marble work, telling tales of the past. The guide explained in detail how the water system worked in olden times, allowing people to enjoy cool and warm baths.

It even had a daycare to relieve the females when they came for relaxation, which can be guaged from the ruins of toys found on the site! What an engineering marvel. 

It even had a daycare to relieve the females when they came for relaxation, which can be guaged from the ruins of toys found on the site! What an engineering marvel. 

The jubilant tourist on a rickshaw, enjoying the sights and sounds of Dilli Darwaza. 

This was my third visit to this pretty place but I seem to not get tired of the Wazir Khan Mosque. Some of its frescos and tile work have recently been restored, so the colours looked brighter than usual.

Poo bani Parvati. #K3G

We have such gems hidden in the streets of the walled city, boasting of our great past and culture but sadly they are not given the funds by the government or the respect they deserve by the public. 

Our tour guide pointed out little details in the frescos, hinting towards the intriguing stories of the time the mosque was built.

The stunning interior of the mosque.

Post our photo session, we travelled on Rangeela Rickshaws in style with Bollywood music to our next destination, i.e the Lahore Fort, alongside cars, honks, bikes, ghoras, khotas, humans and polluted fumes. Amidst tons of laughter, we saw some of the other historical drawazas of Lahore on our way and passed through the pretty Minaar e Pakistan garden, with the ricksha giving us real roller coaster feels. The guide then took us through the fort in detail. I am glad I did this guided trip after seeing a lot of the world so that I could fully appreciate that in terms of culture, history and art, we are no less.

Malika ne khwaab dekha ke mein chaand aur sitaatron ke saath asmaan ka safar kar rahi hoon, badal merey qadmon mein hein. Baadshah ne khwaab ke sadqay Sheeh Mehel banwa dala... I visited the fort quite a few times in my childhood but never knew of this story. The round pond outside the mahal is for the moon, the cloudy marble tiles for the clouds and the little palace decorated with infinite pieces of glass light up when a lamp is lit to signify the millions of stars in the sky.

Last stop: The magnificent Badshahi Mosque. Kahani khatam, sara ghee hazam. 

You can book a tour with The Local Wanderer here.
You can follow me on Instagram here.

The New Girl in Town

“Hi, I am Helen. We got here a week ago”, said the woman I was meeting for the first time at the mums’ coffee morning. As I heard her say that, her apprehensive vibes touched a corner of my heart that I had been to before. I could feel what she was feeling. I saw the look on her face throughout the morning. She looked a little confused, a little scared, but also determined.

As she was bombarded with the information about Swiss laws, the time shops shut down, how cold or not cold the place can be, the half-card for public transport, the indoor places she can take her kids to when it is cold and what sort of outdoor activities she can enjoy with her family in the summer, she was overwhelmed and probably thinking in her head “how am I going to do this”. Her stuff was to arrive from the US in 3 weeks. She was living in a hotel and while her kids went to school in the morning, she struggled to do her grocery and get her electronics by trying to communicate in a language she did not know.

7 months ago, I was her. The first month was horribly tough. Shehrbano was just 8 weeks when I got here and very used to the Pakistani ‘godi’ style. I had to hold her the entire day, her sleeping schedule was not established and the unopened boxes that lay in the other room beckoned me with full force. But, I achieved very little each day. I was eager to organize the cupboards and get my kitchen running and it was frustrating to not be able to do any of it. For days, we did take-aways from restaurants. And mind you, Swiss food isn’t the most appetizing. One evening, when Faizaan came home from work, all 3 of us were crying. Bano needed mama, Minha needed mama and mama probably just needed her own mama.

The initial few weeks also strained the relationship Minha and I shared. Not just because there was a 3^rd person in the equation but because I had to do so much more than I had ever done. There was just too much I expected of her and, for a while, I forgot she’s still a child. I had to learn to become a stay at home mother responsible for cleaning, cooking, ironing, the laundry, doing the grocery and managing all of that with a smile. It was hard.

I did not know the way around. The ingredients familiar to me were not available. Those that were, I wasn’t familiar with them. The town was small, so different from the bustling Karachi. Everything shut down at 6. Aur Sundays to jaisey qabaristan ke barabar (welcome to central Europe.) I had to plan for the entire weekend when fetching stuff from the store on Friday, from the dabalroti to the pyaaz. I did not know anyone. The only interaction I had with human kind was when I said Gruetzi and Ciao Ciao at the cash counters. It was terribly lonely.

We arrived in August and though the tail end of the summer was lovely, the winter came soon. With the sun beginning to set at 4 pm, it got extremely depressing. Our trips to McDonald’s after school also stopped, thanks to the icy winds.

However, before I knew it, I was braving it out in the snow with the baby. Sometimes, even by choice to just have a stroll. I began to appreciate the scenic surroundings. And enjoying sitting by the water. The baby seemed less of a monster and, with the help of the Translate app, grocery less challenging. I discovered the chef in me and began to enjoy my own company. The uphill climb to get home became less difficult, despite having a baby, a huge ass stroller and heavy groceries. I found my favorite cafes, the dishes that I liked at different restaurants. I found my favorite woman at the cash counter at the local grocery store too. I found my favorite buddhi aunty on the streets. And the favorite buddhay uncle on the bench.

I started using the train on my own to get some time out with Bano. And sometimes without her as well. I finally felt some space in my brain clearing up to accommodate parents’ gatherings at the school or joining the mums for coffee mornings. I even got familiarized with a few faces and we started greeting each other on the streets. I found a few Pakistani girls in Zurich and over a few cups of coffee, I started to gel with them too. I now feel ready to go beyond just loving my Old Town and joining a book club or a hiking group.

And as I looked at the woman jotting down all the information in a diary, I realized I made it. I learnt how to love my new home, how to call it my place. I learnt how to miss Karachi and my family a little less. I learnt how to replace biryani with the doner box as my usual meal. With spending more time developing my blog, I learnt how to miss IBA a little less (well, with this I am still struggling). And I, the new girl in town, wasn’t really the new one anymore. Others had come to take my place and I had graduated. As I found myself giving her Schaffy updates and extending my help as well as my friendship to make her feel welcome, I said “you WILL make it” to the new girl in town.

You can follow me on Instagram here.

Chai Talk: Using the 'N-word'

Let's talk about the health of your mind over some chai?

Topic: Saying NO is your right. Haanji, bilkul.

I do a lot of self-talking to stay in touch with my feelings and try to eliminate factors which negatively affect my inner peace. One of those factors was not being able to say NO until a couple of years back. And since I have realized how much zeheni irritation that brings to me, and sometimes a physical toll too, I have been trying to master the art of saying NO. Well, it’s not really an art, just a few things you need to teach yourself to blurt out the N word more often. Here they are:

Just do it

Develop the courage to be straightforward and just say it when you want to. Remember - Agla banda chahtay hooey bhi apko khaa nahin jaye ga.

Being cute works

When you say NO, say it with the sweetest smile you can produce. And while doing it over texts, do it with a lot of emojis. Be polite when saying it and apologize. Don't be rude, put up the best cute face that you can.

Short and sweet

Refrain from giving a million explanations. Be brief and firm to avoid an uncomfortable conversation. Jitni baatein, utnay sawaal. And you want to keep it easier for yourself.

Make your list

Define a set of people to whom you never want to say NO, and that's because this is how YOU WANT IT to be. I have a very clearly defined list including very few special people, for whom I do things because I want to not because I am obligated to or because I expect reciprocation at some point down the road. Saying yes to them every single time makes ME happy even if that yes means giving up my own sanity or comfort.

Self love = ‘gulloocoze ki drip’

Using the N-word is doing yourself a favour, an act of showing self love, which you need to be able to play a positive role at home and at work. And there is NOTHING wrong with prioritizing. Life can be demanding with kids, their school, with home chores and even more so when you're a working mother. So, take a rain check when you need one. Know that you cannot always make everyone happy. That’s just how it is so throw that guilt out of the window.

Use the ‘SANU KEY?’ like a ninja

Also know that people DO make unreasonable requests and every time one comes up, you DON'T have to bhichaaofy yourself. You and your time are more important than that. I understand saying NO is mostly going to invoke the displeasure of people. And a lot of taanas too. But I realised the damage that unrequired YES caused my inner peace, or the peace of my home, is not worth saving on the phoolay hooey moons. Now, like a badass, I say, kisi ne moon phulana hai to phulaye, merey liye mera moon sab se zaroori hai.

Apkay liye kiska moon zaroori hai? Feedback, high fives of agreement and comments of disagreement welcome. Also, hope the chai was good and refreshing. Khudahafiz. 

You can follow me on Instagram here.