Born in the Sub
Continent, I am genetically & geographically predisposed to storing endless
amounts of fat. I was always an obese child and my teenage years were no
different. Nobody, including myself, knew me as anything but that. And if that
is not enough, I also belong to a society where the general lifestyle is
sedentary. Parents focus on saying “beta
parho, achay marks lena” instead of saying “health ka khayal rakho, gym ke liye break le lo”. In my social
class, women don’t have the freedom of mobility and nobody wants to take on the
pick & drop to the gym/fitness class responsibility for their
daughter/sister. However, this attitude may change if her weight is coming in
the way of an “acha rishta”.
One day, as
I sank to the floor playing ‘ring around the roses’ with my preschool students,
I felt a mortifying rip in my pants. It dawned upon me, finally, that I need to
take some serious action about my situation. Having the ‘active’ job of being a
teacher does not mean you’re living a healthy lifestyle. You need to watch your
calories. You need to put your heart, along with your muscles, to work.
However, my
realization did not mean that my family was instantly ready to see what I see. It
took me a year to convince my mother that I need to start with classes for the
42 day challenge. I needed validation from the doctor that the kind of weight
loss I need for my body to function optimally, taking a walk around my garden
or trying desi totkas and Chinese kahwas will not help. I saved up money
and alongside, worked on convincing my parents that I am old enough to drive to
the other end of the city after dusk by myself for my sessions.
Finally,
when my weight-loss journey began, I found it to be the most liberating
experience of my life. It was fun to drive around the city (haha) but rush of
endorphins after my work-out was just exhilarating. I craved for it. I loved
being sore the next day. I loved every drop of sweat. I loved the way my body
quickly built strength and my progress made me fall in love with my physical
self for the first time.
Once the
challenge was over, I took the responsibility of my body unto myself and continued
exercising as well as clean eating. I lost more fat but I was not spending
hours at the gym, I wasn’t counting calories or starving myself. Hence, my lifestyle
was sustainable, and I was already showing great improvements as far as joint
pains, hormonal cycles and digestive issues were concerned. Of course, the
physical changes increased my confidence. Who doesn’t like it when they drop a
dress size and the people around you compliment your new body.
But more
than the validation of my colleagues and friends, what I cherish is how my
relationship with myself improved. I started being a little less mean to
myself, talking less negatively to myself. I realized that if I put my mind to
it and put in the work required, I could actually achieve my goals. And to
achieve those goals, I learnt more about my body. I understood what it needs
and how it works. I wondered why, in all those yesteryears, I never paused to
reflect on how I felt after downing several slices of pizza. I learnt how to
manage my time, prepared my own food in batches, made my food budget, and did
my own grocery, prioritizing my health over a new kurta. On the mental health front, I identified what leads to my emotional-binging
and learnt how to deal with those issues without using food as a crutch.
During
my weight loss journey, I realized that not everyone is going to support you.
You will encounter that aunty who will watch your plate in social gatherings
like a hawk and give you weight loss tips that she never intends to follow
herself. You’re going to get a lot of the following: “Aakhir kab tak dieting kero gi?”, “Itna sa mu reg gaya hai! Boorhi lagnay lag jao gi!”, “Pehle zada achi lagti thi!” and “Rung kaala hogaya hai dieting ker ker ke!”.
When you visit relatives, they will get offended if you refuse to risk your
health over their oily ‘mehmaan-daari’.
I also became aware about the general fake standards of beauty of the world we
live in. I lost the weight but I was the same person inside. Yet there was an
instant spike in the ‘likes’ on my social media posts. However, what helped me
stay positive and on track was my amazing girl gang that adapted our
socializing around my scheduled cheat meals without even half a frown.
2.5 later,
I’m still on this lifelong journey of the quest for health and strength, trying
to pass on my positivity to others by being a fitness trainer. I respect my
body and am grateful for all that it does for me, despite years of abuse and
negative self-talk. I have learnt the power of doing small things on a
consistent basis, instead of crash dieting for a month. I have stopped looking
at numbers and focus on how I feel about my body.
For all the
girls out there, who don’t feel confident about the shape of their body, start
by understanding that body types, genetics and metabolism rates differ. We need
not take the pressure of achieving the ‘right’ waist size. Stop feeling
helpless and gain control over your food intake and physical health so you can
be mentally fit and become better nurturers. The day you stop measuring your
outer beauty from the fake yardstick of the society and valuing health over
your waist size, half the battle will already be won. The idea is not to lose
weight. The idea is to gain health.
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| Before and After |
